I was thinking more about what the OM "feeds" me. OM adores me, says constantly there is nothing he'd change about me, is proud of me, loves to "show me off", etc. H can try to do these things, too, but I don't seem to "feel it" from him. Am I just making it a fantasy? It sure doesn't seem like a fantasy.
He's FEEDING you fantasy.
He SAYS he adores you, this is fantasy.
He SAYS he is proud of you, this is fantasy.
He says he loves to show you off, again this is fantasy.
STOP looking for THIS from your husband. Appreciate who he IS and stop fantasizing about other men who are OTHER things.
This is grass is greener mindset. You look at your neighbours place and think "wow he's got it so much better over there." and then you start HATING what YOU have, suddenly it doens't look good enough anymroe. You want what your neighbour has instead.
I used to hear a joke about women who to a restaurant and agonize over what food to order, and no matter WHAT they order, they end up wanting what the table next to them has instead. It's an unhealthy attitude children get. You are an adult, make choices and enjoy them. STOP looking over in your neighbour's yard.
Trying to turn your husband into the OM is just aggravating the problem.
You need to change YOUR priorities.
I keep hearing ME ME ME...well, guess what, you have a child. Lets look at what kind of person this OM is relating to your FAMILY as a whole. Suddenly OM doesn't look so hot. He's just a spoiled little child/sexual predator woh is only interested in what he can have for himself. Your OM turns YOU into HIM.
Stop focussing on what your H can do for you, focus on what YOu can do for him, stop worrying about your H loving YOU and feeding the fantasy the OM was doing.
Sorry, but this fantasizing is unhealthy. Focus on what you have and stop trying to turn OM into this unhealthy fantasy of yours.
Find what you HAVE enjoyable.
yes, you are fantasizing. What you FEEL between you and the OM is in your HEAD. He's a predator and sociopath, nothing more.
Doesn't the thought of what the OM is doing to you make you sick? Look at your child in the eye and THEn try to fantasize, it SHOULD make you sick to your stomach. Is that healthy or is it destructive fantasizing?
fan·ta·sy Audio Help /ˈfæntəsi, -zi/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[fan-tuh-see, -zee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, plural -sies, verb, -sied, -sy·ing. –noun
2. the forming of mental images, esp. wondrous or strange fancies; imaginative conceptualizing. 3. a mental image, esp. when unreal or fantastic; vision: a nightmare fantasy. 4. Psychology. an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream. 5. a hallucination. 6. a supposition based on no solid foundation; visionary idea; illusion: dreams of Utopias and similar fantasies.
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Love Audio Help /lʌv/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[luhv] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, loved, lov·ing. –noun
2. Love, affection, devotion all mean a deep and enduring emotional regard, usually for another person. Love may apply to various kinds of regard: the charity of the Creator, reverent adoration toward God or toward a person, the relation of parent and child, the regard of friends for each other, romantic feelings for another person, etc. Affection is a fondness for others that is enduring and tender, but calm. Devotion is an intense love and steadfast, enduring loyalty to a person; it may also imply consecration to a cause. 2. liking, inclination, regard, friendliness. 15. like. 16. adore, adulate, worship.
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Recognize the difference here ok? OM = fantasy. H = love.
You need to STOP trying to make H into OM. That fantasy is hurtful and selfish, lose it. Enjoy what is RIGHT in FRONT of you and stop expecting so much.
You have a husband who adores you even though he's been treated brutally, and a child as well, a home, family. Screw the fantasy, you have a dream life right in front of you if you just look at it.
Most of the globe would give their left arm for what you have and you are wandering around fantasizing about some other man?
You get 75 years to make a mark on this rock, its time you realized the OM is just wasting your time and ruining what little life we have in front of us. As long as you nurture this fantasy the OM and your life will be on hold while your family lives life without you.
Do you want to wait til your son is 20 before you stop the fantasizing and realise you have a beautiful family in front of you?
Stop making your H compete with some fantasy, he isn't a hollywood movie and neither are you...enjoy the beautiful life you have right in front of you, or lose it for something that is only in your imagination.
The OM is a selfish predator. HE will NOT be the fantasy man of your dreams long term, he will turn into a monster to you one day. One day you will realise how much he has ruined your life.
He has taken TIME, which is so valuable to all of us. Stop the fantasies now and enjoy your life with your husband. Stop expecting so much that isn't there and enjoy what is.
Do you sit down at a dinner table and fantasize about some meal that isn't available or do you enjoy what's in front of you?
Restaurants are fantasies, you open a menu, pick from a bunch of images and magically what you ask for shows up.
This is NOT how marriages work. In marriages you see the cost of the meal, the messy kitchen, the dirty dishes, and countless other unpleasant details. But this is marriage, enjoy the reality of it. Enjoy making your own meals, enjoy cleaning up your son's messes. Enjoy having a home to clean and laundry to wash. This is real life, enjoy that you have an attractive devoted partner to SHARE that with.
Stop the fantasizing and enjoy the love that's right in the eyes of your son and his devoted father.
