I have not posted in your thread. I am in piecing and don't post a lot anymore about my own sitch. I just want to say that the ladies here give very good advice. It is difficult to follow all the advice. You are already trying very hard to DB. Give yourself credit for that.
I have heard my H said many things that you have said here. the comparision, "the pull is very strong", the depression, the good feelings that OW gave him. It is the hormones working and it is difficult to fight.
Like Sara said, there is always someone better out there. My H's OW could very well be a better match for my H. But it is how you value commitment. Love can be created. If you are commited to your M and determined to make it work, that becomes your goal and you will find way to creat the love between you and your H, and decrease the affection with OM, and find ways to make the M work. My H has told me that it's easier to just leave. He chose not to. We are in piecing now. It has not been easy so don't expect life will be good just like that. I think you are already in a good place in that you want to make this work. and your H is also working hard to make this work. I truly believe that if you two are really commited to this, you will get through this period.
IMHO, the key is makeing up your mind and be certain that you want to be commited to this M and make it work. That's a choice you have to make for yourself and truly believe in it. Once you are commited, then you take steps to get there. That may means different things for each couple. May be create romantic times togetehr, being nice to H, have H do nice things for you, do things together, fake/force yourself to being happy, whatever works. And understand that affection to OM will still be there but the key is having expectation that this will happen but don't act on it.
Seeing what my H went through, I know this is a very difficult period. I am not at the end yet so I can't tell you it is "happily ever after". But I think my M is much better than before.
