Now keep in mind from my earlier post she mentioned us to start doing some dates. After she got off the phone with our friend I said "Hey I got an idea, maybe we could catch up with them sometime to go eat." She responded "Yeah" but she sounded hesitant. Immediately she says "I can't promise you anything."
It is this hot one time and cold the next that drives the H crazy! She's off and on and like you said....damned if you do and damned if you don't, so you stay in a state of confusion. However, I think I would back away a bit and certainly not be sending any text messages to "have a good day" b/c she will resent it. I know you don't understand that, but it is pursuing. the WAW hates it more than I can tell you. You have to play a little hard to get and let her pursue you. Let her do the calling and text messesing or emailing. If she asks a question, and it's important enough to respond quickly....then okay, but if it is something that could be put off for.....say an hour.....then make her wait. That way, you are not showing too much eagerness. See what I mean? It's just like dating again and playing all those stupid girl/boy games that we had to do back then to win them over. Only in this case, you have to let her chase you instead of you chasing her. You must become attractive enough in your appearance and personality and charm that she will want to pursue you. But, anything that even looks like neediness, or pursuing on your behalf will ruin your chances......or at least cause a lot of damage and setbacks.
BTW, when I told you to feed her ego.....you need to work that in as part of your "charming personality" so that it does not appear to be pursuing or kissing her a$$......If that makes sense. You want to lift her self esteem, but not to the point of being a .....what is the word I'm looking for?.......you know, like some men over-kill and it is just sickening to the woman. Can you do it without it looking as though you are just trying to get on her good side or that you are pursuing? Can you kind of work it into the conversation easily without making a big point of it? I don't know what type of personality you have. Are you the type that likes to pick and play and tease or are you more on the serious side....kind of quite and not much to say. If you can give me an idea....maybe I could offer a few suggestions.
It's hard....very hard b/c you still love her and she will be on a rollercoaster of emotions. That is why she's hot and cold....up and down. You never know from one day to the next how she is going to act or feel. Today, she may not want to hear your voice, but tomorrow she may want a date with you.
Even though you want to win her back and restore your relationship with her, I think you need to show her that you are not going to be her puppet on a string........and besides, if you don't get control over your own life, she will drive you crazy. What I mean is just don't make your daily schedule planed around her and what she feels like doing....okay? Let her know that you have a life and sometimes your schedule just doesn't work out to be free to do whatever she is in the mood to do. Be your own judge.....you know her better than anyone else.
Re-read about the WAW article. I have been copying and pasting a list that I got off somebody's post (can't even remember now) but it is a great guide to go by without having to re-read the entire DR book again. It is kind of long, but if you want me to, I'll be glad to send it to you.
Maybe you should try to stay away from any R talks if you can. I know that most couples think that is the only way to work their problems out, but time takes care of a lot and right now, emotions are raw. If she brings it up......ask her what it is she wants you to tell her exactly.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
