Have just been skimming through your threads and just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. You've endured a lot.
You know, since I started my own sitch, I keep coming across these other stories, both on these boards and in day-to-day interactions. Maybe I was hearing them before and I just didn't understand or think about them. In any case, I suddenly find myself looking about and seeing all this incredible release of emotion. And I find myself asking, "what do I have to complain of? others are in such skewed positions, where choices become so much harder."
I was in the middle of my parents' divorce. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I'm glad my W and I don't have kids for that reason. The difference between my parents and those here? They were concentrated on themselves. I look at people here, like you, and I see them working hard to keep their emotions from affecting their children as much as possible.
So what's the point of all this? Nothing really, other than I'm reaching out to tell you that, though I may not understand, I appreciate. You're a good person doing the best you can do and that's a respectful and worthy thing to do. We're all just muddling through this confused and awkward life and situations can turn on a dime. Either you make the best of it or you sink. So what will it be? Don't we all know the answer?
Yes, I've been through a ton as have many of us here. I'm sorry you had to endure your parent's divorce and are now in a situation yourself. On that level, it is good you don't have children. It would make my life so much easier if we divorced w/out kids, but honestly, I'd go through all of this crap again if I had to in order to have my beautiful baby.
Thank you for your comments and support. I'm doing my best and working hard to keep my D out of our emotional circus. It is difficult, but she doesn't need to feel as if she has anything to do w/ why her mother and myself are no longer together.
I appreciate your support and encouragement and I'm proud to call you my friend.
Well, I've found a solution to the painting nightmare that has been hanging over my head... I'm not doing it!
See, I taped things off yesterday and began painting today. Well, I've got a room 1/3 of the way done when I discover that because of the combination of the wall material and the color of the paint, the entire house will need to be primed before it is painted. That means that I will basically paint it twice.
I HATE TO PAINT! I HATE THE PREP AND I HATE THE ACTUAL JOB OF APPLYING PAINT TO WALLS!
What is my problem? I'm way to anal. It takes me FOREVER to get painting done b/c I continue to go back over and find the spots I missed or didn't hit dark enough. It is part of my personality that will always be with me I guess. The bottom line is I'm going to have someone else do it.
I brought the subject up w/ W and I'm waiting to hear if she'll split the costs 50/50 w/ me. If not, I'll try to negotiate at least a 60/40 but I'm not going to paint it myself.
I have ZERO motivation to re-paint this house. One, I hate to paint (as mentioned above) and two I don't want to sell this house (but I have to for financial reasons). I don't want to move and I don't want to get it ready to move out. It is just another thing on the list of items I don't want to do.
I don't want a divorce. I don't want my family torn up. And I definitely don't want to spend my free time painting this f-ing house that W decided had to be BLUE everywhere!!! So, I'm going to hire it out even if it means I'l pay for it all myself.
I feel so much better now that I've made that decision. It was a depressing and frustrating task for me to undertake, so why should I put myself through it? To save a few bucks? Stupid. I don't deserve to have to be upset and overwhelmed by it, so I'm not going to be.
My decision is final and I like the way it feels.
Ok, now that we've solved that problem, I'm going back to clean up and get ready to hit the gym.
Good for you RTL!!!!!!! At least you were honest about how you feel. If the house is sold I am sure somehow your W gets some benefit from it so why should it be just your labor. It is hard enough to endure what you have gone through, don't make it worse by making yourself miserable. Protect yourself from being totally destroyed, just do what you can and don't try to be superman.
You sound a little better, you are putting yourself first a bit more. So when are you going to broach the cost of it with her? I hope she responds reasonably...if not, tell her shes welcome to come around and paint the damn house herself if she so wants this D and wants it sold!!! Tell her to suck it up for a change.
Ok, maybe not, but I agree, why should you have to take on such a demoralising and overwhelming task after everything thats happened?
Thinking of you Ali x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Thanks for your support. I've got to be honest, ever since I made the decision, I've got that small part of me nagging and saying "suck it up and do it." I just don't want to. It is something I loathe to do and it is emotionally difficult for me to pull the trigger on doing. So, I'm going to do my best to get W to spring for 1/2 of the painting costs.
When I was talking w/ D earlier, W got on the phone and I told her I had sent her an e-mail today and she asked me to tell her on the phone to tell her what it was about. So, I asked if she would consider having someone paint the inside of the house for us.
She wanted to know why I couldn't do it and I said it was because I didn't want to as I hated to paint and that it was overwhelming for me. I told her it was overwhelming me emotionally because it was just another thing on a long list of items I don't want to do b/c of our D. She didn't say anything for a while but then said "it doesn't cost anything to get estimates, so go ahead."
I'm sure she's upset at the cost of spending more money, but I really don't know if I can do it. Every time I've started, I've found a reason to quit. The best thing is what I've decided to do, even if she sticks me w/ the whole bill.
I may be able to get money from her later, but even if I don't, the peace of mind I'll gain will be worth more than her 1/2 of the paint job.
I did workout tonight and now I'm heading out to get my hair cut as it is a bit long for me to be comfortable in.
RTL, Don't paint!!!! You have enough to deal with, you have to save yourself or you will have no emotional energy left to either deal with the D or your W is she decides she wants to try to fix things.Look if you can't swing the money right now just put it off, get estimates and wait till you are putting the house on the market. Painters can come in and do it in in 1 or 2 days , especially if you are just having it done to sell. I know , when we are down eveything seems like a big deal. Men just don't have the kinds of friends women do, to remind them of how they are letting unimportant things upset them. When you list the house you call the painters in a few days before. If W gives you a hard time don't dicuss it with her. When you both decide on a realator then call the painters and give her half the bill, if she doesn't pay it , give it to your lawyer and he will deal with it at the final hearing. It will be part of your debt. Now try to forget about it
