That's great! There's a lot of positives there. Of course he had to throw in the typical don't get your hopes up thing, but he also is SO confused, and CONFUSION is in your favor right now.
He's thinking.
I'll let someone else respond to your thread for a bit.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
he is VERY confused so that is a good thing- that is why i felt it was ok to throw out some info to him like stats and he was really interested in the law enforcement issue...
i still feel good today- sometimes you never know how you will feel but i really heard him and acknowledged him.
i also was quiet a lot but was able to say a lot of very important things.
i just cant believe he is so stuck....
if he cant change or do anything to grow i cant do much...i cant have him back and get kicked in the gut again...he will have to make some changes....
maybe there are small noes but the same old story is playing out...
blame how i was raised....g-d forbid we talk about how he was raised...
grow up! im just venting! im happy i had a lot of good things to say and not say too!
thanks!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
I'm interested in the law enforcement stats. Where did the stats come from? Have you read the book, "I love a Cop"?
The blame game can go on for a VERY long time. Trust me on that one.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
He WILL be able to look at his own stuff, but it may take you accepting responsibility FIRST for your stuff. Once you've done that and made the changes in you that you need to do, he'll likely be motivated to be the husband he should be.
I know...it's hard. In reality, I could blame my h for about 75% of our marriage problems. But, I can't tell him that or do anything about that. The only thing I can do is fess up and apologize for my 25%. And make that changes I need to make sure that 25% gets fixed.
Beleive me, when he starts going off about what I need to work on and says NOTHING about his contribution I find it hard to keep my mouth shut. I want to shout, "Are you kidding me? Have you looked in the mirror?!!" But, that would get me nowhere except a boot in my arse.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
i agree- i did apologize for a few things that were warranted- yet this isnt our first go around.. we had another separation 3 years ago- i was the one who was angry all the time and depressed.... i did a 180 ever the past few years and he started to not be able to feel connected to me- its funny- i got healthy and he couldn't handle it?
because he had to look in the mirror... so i can see it slowly happening..yesterday had some big plusses- i was able to say gently that he think about the rates of D's...etc.
he said you are right- i dont know why so high-- i just let him ponder all this...
its crazy- he hasnt really ben angry and i actually wish he would be mad- he needs to let it out! he even said that yesterday- maybe i should have gotten mad at you so you heard me...i said let it out!
the balme game is nuts and so immature- he args mon me and how i was raised?? huh? how old are we? and ps. what about your family? no issues there??
if you focus n the SH*T you will see SH*T! focus on the love and positivity and thats what youll see :-)
so the more space i give him emotionally and acknowledge his reaching out- i think he will come around...he has a LONG way to go.
i agree- LOOK in the mirror Mr!!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
for some reason i have a lot of sadness today. lonely- i want to call him or reach out after our talk...i feel anxious and panicked.
i wish he would get a hold of his depression and see how its ruining him... maybe he feels this pain too- im sure he does but im scared iot will make him retreat more...
i met w a single friend today and it scared me bc i DO NOT want to go into the singles world.
i feel down and lonely- isnt that a song?
then i pick up my chin and grin and say- the sun will come out tomorrow!
annie :-)
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Once you start singing Annie songs, it's officially time for bed. Go to sleep for now. Tomorrow you'll feel better, and hopefully the show tunes will pass...
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
