My MLC wife and I have been physically and legally separated for a year now. I have been DBing since day one. Throughout this whole time she has harboured a consistent anger towards me. Whenever we've had a R talk (less than 6 in the past year and I don't initiate), she mentions all my failings within the past marriage.
I was not a perfect husband but damn close and it hurts to hear the things she says about me. She has done far worse to break up the marriage than I have. I listen compassionately validate the best I can and don't get angry or blame. But its taking its toll on my self esteem. If you hear this stuff over and over again and don't defend yourself, you start believing it. Or you feel that without defending you are just confirming to her, her perception of how bad you were.
I know this is part of the MLC script, they need to validate their decision to leave and their actions (she is dating OM) by demonizing the spouse. But I am so very frustrated. This anger is a road block to her seeing me who I really am, and any possibility of reconciliation.
Do I just wait it out and continue with what I am doing or am I allowed to respectfully disagree when she mentions something I don't believe is true? Will this anger ever end?
