>>WDID - He adored you and showed you off, but you are someone else's wife. Do you think he would do this if you were HIS wife? NO.<<
Sheesh oh peetie guys ALWAYS adore and give compliments to women they aren't married to (it's a little biological thing known as "the chase"). That drivel isn't meant to be taken seriously. Once you are caught it's no longer so exciting. OM just wants to win the chase. Once he actually had you (married or just living with you) he'd eventually get bored. The compliments slow down....
Puppy, I don't know if 6-12 months of "best effort" is going to work. I think WDIDe may need to lose her M and family before she feels it's value and can objectively decide if she wants to make it work. Just "trying" often doesn't work. Doing it because you really do want it, in spite of all it's negatives and positives. That's where you mentally need to be to make it work. Otherwise it's too easy to flip flop.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I have followed your posts since you came on and I have been really rooting for you. I just needed to weigh in here. Running and klm are right. Men pursue and conquer. What has been conquered should stay conquered. Hence, wonderful attention before the goal line (marriage, live in or sex) has been accomplished, less after said goal has been reached. This attitude, trait, characteristic is profoundly annoying to women, but the natural attitude of a man. Does not make it right, but your OM is NO DIFFERENT!
It is impossible emotionally, practically for a man to sustain the courting period throughout marriage, other things get in the way, kids etc, just living together. A MATURE and loving man will continue to devote himself to pursuing you, but not at the same pace. Please judge your husband by that standard, and not by the guy who is just trying to cross the line.
Ummm......running and klm, the reason I'm on here is to BUST a divorce, not have one and then realize I didn't want it. I'm trying to be honest with my thoughts. I'm here for encouragement and help. Yes, maybe I need to hear things over and over...I think I may have even said that....
Sheesh oh peetie, aren't me telling you my negative thoughts and positive thoughts showing you I want it, but being honest about what is going through my head? I could lie and say I'm doin my durndest and I just lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvve everything about my H and even though I "fell in love" with OM I value everything about my M and that makes it all sooooo wonderful. Talking about me in "third person" in my own thread is pretty disrespectful as well. Sorry, ya got me ticked.
Near, maybe I needed to hear that the compliments are natural to stop, etc. Before my marriage I lived with my parents. Not much in the way of dating and pretty naive.
Didn't mean to tick you off WDID. I do respect you for coming here and being so honest....and don't mean to be disrespectful in any way.
I know that you are here because you want to DB, I am not saying you don't.....I just don't think you will REALLY see what your H means to you until he is gone. I don't want that for you just like I didn't want it for my H.
OM lets you escape the stresses of everyday life and your H is a reminder of those stresses. I do understand the feelings you have, I just don't know how to make you see what you have with OM is a fantasy.
Have you thought about just taking some time to try to make YOURSELF happy....without your H or OM??
Not sure what other message boards you populate, but this (talking about the person whose thread it is, in the 3rd person) is pretty common operating procedure. I wouldn't take it personally.
The compliments shouldn't stop, just that things cannot continue on the same pace. When a man is in love and courting, his focus is completely on that one, sometimes to the detriment of work etc. He is also living in a fantasy world, similar to an affair, but correct morally. Once marriage comes, for an honorable man, he shifts to the key role of provider etc. With a wife he has assumed a duty for the rest of his life. It can be hard to retain the habit of pursuit during a marriage. Remember, you sleep in the same bed each night, deal with the kids, mortgage etc.
I am not trying to be critical, just helping you adjust your standard to a real world level. I want to see you succeed.
