Does a WAW want you to fight for them?

[lost3031]

cz946, since you replied to one of my posts, I thought I'd return the favor! I can't say for sure what your wife would prefer in regards to you fighting for her, but in reading your posts, she reminds me so much of me right now that it's scary! The bottom line is, we WAW's are emotional basketcases who pretty much don't know top from bottom on most days. I sometimes feel like I am literally walking around in a fog most of the time. Sometimes I am so relieved to be on my own, and other times I will start crying for no apparent reason at all. Sometimes I want so badly to go home and start over, and sometimes I just know I've made the right choice in leaving. What I have really wanted from my husband is the right combination of space and time spent together. I never turned him down the two times he invited me to dinner, even though he has turned me down on numerous occasions when I wanted to do something with him. I would recommend letting her set the pace - I know it's maddening and it seems incredibly unfair, but in my situation, where it's felt like I have been out of control forever, that little bit of control somehow makes me feel a little more worthy.

As far as her pulling back after getting a little closer, I also find myself doing that. Even though I love spending time with my husband, it oftentimes confuses me more because I'm the one who left. I shouldn't want to be with him and yet I do. I don't want him to get the idea that I'm coming back home when I don't know yet if I am, so I pull away to prevent him from getting his hopes up too high. As women, we generally tend to put other people's needs and feelings ahead of our own - this is why being a WAW is so confusing for us. For probably the first time in my life, I'm doing something that is selfish and entirely for me (or so I think) and it goes against everything in my nature to be this way. The truth is, we don't like hurting our husbands because we do still love them, and even though we're not sure we believe things will change, we're not sure if we are ready to let go of that love yet either...