The Ultimatum

[fooled again]

Journaling,

Hopefully this will be a quick update - I know that I can go on and on, but then again, better to do that here than to do it w/ my H. In fact, I got spanked a few days ago for talking to H about 5 different issues On the upside though, H was able to verbalize that it is difficult for him to handle dealing with 5 issues at once, so that now I know to talk to him about only 1 or 2 at a time. Baby steps to better communication

So update on my sitch. More positives yesterday & today:

H emailed me the actual itinerary for his next business trip, not simply telling me or writing down what time his flights are. This is good since b/f he would give me a rough idea but nothing concrete that I could follow up on, & I know that on at least one occasion the trip info he told me was a lie.

H has volunteered for the PTA executive at my D's school - treasurer no less!! To me this signals a stronger committment to family and will require H to dedicate some of his free time to being active in D's school. It also signasl to me that H has a desire to be more responsible financially (wow!). I was quite surprised at this, but didn't let on and said it was a great idea & I went w/ him to his first mtg.

When we got home, I asked H if he was staying the night again, he said yes if it's okay. Then I asked if this is what he would be doing now, sleeping at the house every night, he said yes

Earlier H had sent me a msg to my FB page asking "maybe tonight?" & when we got home from mtg, he asked again. I had been holding back, waiting to feel safer, & H had been withdrawing out of frustration (I think). H's gentle persistence made me realize that we both need that connection & holding back may not be doing me the good I thought it would. It has always been a very important part of our R. So I said yes & the rest is censored

Oh and I forgot, a couple of days ago, D's babysitter was over for a little visit w/ D and H asked me to see if she could sit for us this w/end. I am usually the one to initiate arranging for a sitter. She couldn't so I asked H yesterday to see if our other sitter was available. H set it all up, instead of having sitter call me w/ details. Again, a good sign

Today when I spoke to H about his day, I asked if he would be picking up the signed notice letter from his landlord, & he said "definitely". So I expect to see that letter tonight, though I will not make a big deal if I don't - I'll just ask then say nothing.

So there have been quite a few positives and forward steps. Maybe H was indeed ready to end his A when I caught him again. Things had been getting better and better b/w us, w/ H seeming more and more committed to me & D and spending much, much more time w/ us, & he told me that on his trip w/ OW they fought about me & he told her he didn't see a future for them. Maybe forcing him to make a choice at that point only worked in my favour b/c of where he was at - in fact I don't know for sure if I had done this a year ago, or 2 yrs ago, whether he would have chosen me. H was still very deep in Replay & nowhere near Reconnecting. But I have come to believe that quite possibly things happen for a reason and in their own time, even though we may not understand or like it to be that way. I must have known, for myself and for H, that the time was right for me to push him to make a choice. Was it God's (or whatever you believe) plan in action working to bring me closer to my goal? Could be...

FA