I am a WAW, but do I really want to be?

[Flipper]

Hey lost,

First of all, let me commend you for having the guts to come on here. Your a great woman for being here! My W left me in December and we were (are) best friends. I miss her too.

Where do I start. Well, bottom line is...you love your H and this does not feel right to divorce him. Then don't do it. A wise person said, "when in doubt, do nothing". In other words, time is on your side! Slow and easy. Patience, patience.

My first W was my HS sweetheart and I divorced her. You know what? I NEVER got over it. It was wrong to do! Do not get involved with anyone right now. Take care of yourself and do not complicate things. Be fair to the OM. Don't put him through this and don't allow him to come between you and your H. Take the OM's offer to allow you the opportunity to work things out with your H. Your H may thank him for that later. There is a saying, "If the grass is greener on the other side, it's time to water your own lawn."

Try to remember the good things about your marriage...it's probably hard. Know that it took a while for this to happen and it will take some time for you and your H to come together. I have spoken to so many elderly people who had been on the brink of divorce but were soooo glad they stuck together and worked it out. I know of so many couples that, not only came back from the brink of divorce, but are happier than ever...even than on their honeymoon! If you don't get through the bad times, you can't get to the great times. Love feelings come and go...and can come back!

If you two cool your heels and make some real changes (be patient!), you can have a great relationship and marriage. People do it all the time. Do not give up! Feelings can be dangerous and feelings change. People fall out of love...but when they eventually come together on things, they often fall back in love.

Also, be prepared for H to be a butthead until he has a chance to get through his anger and betrayal feelings. It's going to be a roller coaster, but that's how real change comes about. Be prepared and stay on this BB. Keep reading DR and other books. It's going to be a lot of work...but can be well worth it!

Find out when/where Michele is having a seminar and drag the H along if he will go. Or buy her DVD's. She's pretty awesome and she is so unlike the marriage counselors that can sometimes make things worse...and tell you to "throw in the towel". They are doing you guys NO favors. Also read the part in DR about how to find a Solution Based Therapist.

If you didn't want to fix things, you wouldn't be here! Good for you! Just do what's right and don't give into those feelings of wanting "freedom". Trust me, you won't feel better, just guilty, embarrassed and you won't be able to face people. My W is going through that right now and is too proud to lift the divorce papers. Please consider lifting the papers. It will buy you more time. If this helps...save face with your husband and give him an excuse as to why you lifted it. Sounds like he needs a wake-up call, but divorce papers should not be the solution.

From the sounds of things, your H is not getting the message and you are at your wits end. We guys are dunces and often do not get it! It takes something like this for us to finally get a clue. We mean no harm and we love our wives deeply. We just need help seeing and hearing. This crisis is an unwelcome, but wonderful opportunity for you both...Time to turn the tide! Did I mention...Do NOT give up! You can have a great marriage! If I didn't truly believe it, I wouldn't say it. I hope I helped. My humble opinion.

I don't know if you are Christian BUT, here is a great website for you to look at:

http://rejoiceministries.org/

Also, click on the Stop Divorce Radio. Good luck, Lost. I have a feeling you will be fine! Please keep me posted and please feel free to give me YOUR insight as a WAW. I need all the help I can get.

((((Hugs))))

-Flipper

PS: Men DO change. I am living proof of that.