H is going to demand a paternity test as he realizes that the STD came from someone other than him. She still denies being with anyone else, but facts is facts...they just are. I pray that its not his, but I just don't think he is going to get that lucky, he hasn't yet. He knows in his heart that shes not a good person, lets face it...good people don't do the things she/they have done, but again, hes in SO deep.
My H will just have to deal with the mess he has made the best way he can. Just like me. To be honest, I have just accepted that there is NOTHING I can do to change this sitch, so make the best of what is. I think this has a lot to do with the way I was raised and some of the things I went through as a kid, it tends to make one pretty resilient. I have been through worse and lived. That which doesn't kill me, usually just pisses me off! I just do the best I can, somedays are better than others, but I'm just not into magical thinking, so its the grim reality or nothing.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Man S&S, I wish I could sound like you. You sound so strong for all of this you're going through! I'm getting there though, and yes, we'll all get through this regardless.
Dar, I've just decided that I won't let this beat me or define me as a woman. I have days where I am ok with letting go and other days where I just want to curl up in a ball and die, but those days are far less than they used to be.
Even after all of the chit that hes put us through in the last 6 months, I still love him, but I also know that right now there is NO HOPE of reconcilliation and to even try would just end in a complete disaster. H's life is too messed up and complicated to even give that a thought. He needs to work things out his own way and I just need to get myself together and decide what I want and what is best for me and my kids. I had to put distance between us because if I didn't I think I would end up hating him and I don't really want to do that.
Its not easy and there are days that Iam tempted to do all of the things you shouldn't...engage in R talk, drama, crying, etc. and sometimes I do and it ends badly, and sometimes I don't and I just find a way to go on. All I can do right now is try and be a friend to H, any further involvement just makes me crazy and is counter productive.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Do you think us LBS just acknowledging H as a friend makes it seem like we're in denial about an eventual D? I sometimes wonder that... if I'm just ignoring what may really be the end. You know?
I have decided that even if we end up D, he and I will have to be friends. We have 2 kids together and we have been friends for 20 yrs. I don't want to end up like my parents so I just choose not to lose that friendship. Will it be different if we get a D? Of course, but we have a long life of moments that we will have to share (graduations, marriages, births, deaths, etc...) so we might as well make the best of it. It sucks to be an adult sometimes, but I would do just about anything for the sake of my kids, besides, he will always have a place in my heart. The best part of both of us live in my kids and I can't be hateful to the one person that helped me create the 2 best things that ever happened to me. I don't always like him, but I can't hate him either.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Sugar.... I'm sitting here wanting to write to you because I am in your sitch....well kinda......
I will make it short....I have been married almost 24 years and with my H for 30....I got the bomb last June....knew my H was having an affair Jan/07...thought we were working on that...but I guess not...H moved out in January 08.....in March of 08 I found out through an anonymous email that my H had a son WHO IS 8 YEARS OLD!! H kept this a secret for 8 years....it all came out and my girls won't talk to him...they feel like 8 years of their lives have been stolen from them...It's awful....I struggle with it every day....
My H after all these years could not come to me and tell me...he held it in and now we are paying the price....
Yes...I too have told people that I feel like I belong on the Jerry Springer show....I feel like I'm in a bad dream and I want to wake up so bad.....
Thought I'd share since it was so close to your sitch...
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
On one of your posts yesterday, you brought back memories of laying out at Lake Ming (and later cruising Hart Park). We used to slather on the baby oil and iodine and roast ourselves in the hot sun. While drinking some Strawberry Hill. Bleh! Good times, though.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
(((Treese))) I will have to go in and read your threads but its just frightening what people are capable of doing to one another.
I'm so sorry that your sitch is similar to mine. Just sucks.
GFI...LOL! It was the tubin' post huh? Stawberry Hill and cruising Hart Park...so many memories (most I'd rather forget).
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
H and I had quite a long talk tonight about a lot of things, but a couple of things that he said really make me wonder.
He said that he has always lived his life for someone else, his mom and then me and he likes just living for himself. That he likes not having to answer to anyone else.
He also said that he is afraid to really try and figure out if he is "done" with our R. That its what hes been afraid of since the beginning. Maybe I'm just a pessimist, but I think he has been done for a long time, he is just scared to admit it to himself and is waiting for me to do it.
I told him I thought it was interesting that he has seemed to recreate with OW exactly what he walked away from (a R now with a baby on the way.) I also told him that I felt like I have been replaced ever since the beginning. That he acts like he did when we were together.
I really don't know how to feel other than this seems to be one step closer to the end. H made a promise to me a couple of weeks ago that he would come home and give it a real try, but I feel like I extorted that promise from him because it was made after an emotional conversation and we were both in tears. How do I make him understand that I only want him to try because its really what he wants and not to fulfill some strange obligation? I still know that until the gambling (day 8 of no gambling --because the free black-jack tourney didn't count as gambling...lol) is a thing of the past and the Troll and her offspring are squared away, then there isn't really anything to work on or towards, its just really hard. I guess some sick part of me is STILL willing to fight, but why?
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I just do the best I can, somedays are better than others, but I'm just not into magical thinking, so its the grim reality or nothing.