H had 3 year affair and I never knew!

[cat03]

yes, in the Bible the only reason for D is adultery, and clearly your H didnt just have a one night stand or a 3mth A, the betrayal went on for YEARS.
Could you honestly trust him again? I tried, but even as I was glad (at the time he was still with me) I could not believe one word he said nor was sure he was going where he said he was going, etc etc.
You are not the one subjecting your family to a D, it is your H who is doing this to YOU and the the kids, he has disrespected you , lied to you and cared for no one but for his own pleasures, not thinking for a bit what it might do to his M.

It doesn't make you a lesser person to be D, we all use to have preconceived ideas when we met D'd people, but now that we are in this sitches, D sometimes is the answer, specially if your S tells you he doens't think he can be in a R with you. My stbx told me he'd try, and he still cheated! even as we went to MC and him to IC, imagen how much detached is your H, he's already telling you he can't be faithful.

You are not the first one nor the last one woman to be single parent, things are not the easiest of course, being a single parent, but are not impossible, you can rebuild your life, and God willing your H will want to be part of your kids' lives, and thus, his duty is to provide for child support for all 4 of them. I work FT and based on my income and his I get child support which is plenty and enough for me to pay mortgage on my home, utilities and a bit extra to go out and for vacations.
It can be done, not the ideal way you or me wanted to live, but it can be done and you can and will be happy.