I am a WAW, but do I really want to be?

[lost3031]

Thanks for replying, cz946. It's great that you are seeking help through books, counseling, etc. I wish my husband would be as open-minded about it as you are... As far as what he did to make me have second thoughts - he really didn't do anything, it was more or less that we spent some time together without bringing up our marriage or troubled relationship and it reminded me of why we were together in the first place. Then, as soon as I began thinking about seriously going back home, he said he couldn't do the "friends" thing anymore and told me to file the divorce papers. I know it's hard on him, but I gave that man 10 years of marriage and he seems completely unwilling to give me any time at all to sort myself out. I agree with what you say about his actions determining whether or not I want to be with him. The more he ignores me, the less I want to go back - not because I don't love him, but because it merely confirms that he's not going to change.

As far as giving you advice, it really depends on your wife. If it seems like she needs space right now, then by all means give it to her. Smothering is sometimes just as bad as neglect. If it seems like she is receptive to spending time with you, and I mean time spent just being together and having fun (NOT to discuss the marriage or relationship troubles), then by all means go along with it! If she initiates it, take her up on it. Initiate it herself, but don't get discouraged if she declines. One of the things that hurt me terribly is that after I left, I tried to get my husband to go out on dates with me to try to get back some of those old feelings, and he declined every time. I know he was hurting, but his refusal to spend time with me just seemed like an affirmation of why I had left in the first place...

Thanks for your well wishes - I truly hope that everything works out for both of us!