I am a WAW, but do I really want to be?

[lost3031]

First off, I posted this in the newcomers section because I am new here and didn't really know where to post, so I apologize to anyone who may get annoyed that it is posted twice!

My situation is not unique, and it certainly isn't any easier than anyone else's, but I'm hoping that someone can give me some insight because it sounds like there is a lot of experience on these boards! I've been married for almost 10 years. My husband and I were high school sweethearts, I was 15 years old when we started dating, and 19 years old when we married. He's a good man, strong of heart and extremely loyal, my best friend. The only thing that he did wrong was not be there. For the past 12 years, he's worked an average of 75-80 hours per week, usually 7 days a week. As you can imagine, it gets lonely to be left on your own for so long. I love him, have always loved him, yet I always felt as if his work was so much more important than me. His neglect hurt me every day, until one day 2 years ago, I went into an emotional shutdown. It was easier than dealing with the pain and loneliness I felt every day.

Three and a half years ago I took a new job which has really helped me be a stronger person, more outgoing and much more independent. Unfortunately, it also brought another man into my life. We've been friends from the moment we first met, and I knew from the first time I saw him that one day I was going to be in the situation I am in. For three years we were just friends, but a few months ago I told him for the first time about my emotional shutdown with my husband. As you can probably imagine, that eventually led us both to admit that we had feelings beyond friendship for each other.

I am a WAW of nearly 4 months now. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I expected my husband to put up a fight, but he never went out of his way to do anything to convince me to stay. He said he didn't want me to leave and that he would do anything to fix things (meaning he would work less) - but I had heard that so many times over the years and, being in that numb state, I didn't believe him this time either. I told him there was someone else that I was confused about and that I needed time to think. He let me go.

For four months, the OM has been actively fighting for me while my husband firmly states that because he is my husband, he doesn't have to fight for me - I should just want to be with him. Am I wrong in wanting him to fight for me? Am I wrong in thinking that he should want to prove to me that he's the man for me?
The OM is in it for the long haul. He's mentioned things he wants to do with me next year, he's been patient with me as far as my feelings for my husband go, and he's even told me that if I go back to my husband, he'll always be my friend even though it will kill him to let me go.

My husband asked me to file the divorce papers even though he didn't want to get a divorce. I filed them, even though I'm still not sure I want a divorce. I don't know if I still want to be with my husband or if I'm just having second thoughts because I've lived half my life with him and am scared to try something new. I'm doing fine on my own, but I do miss him - we've been best friends (besides spouses) for so long that it seems weird without him.

If anyone has been through something like this and can offer some clarity, I sure would appreciate it because, as you can probably tell from this post, I am an emotional basket case...