OK This is the sitch.Married 28 years- formal but friendly arrangement for 25 of them-he had affairs I had denial-Then last May bomb " I cant move back to home town with you "( I was about to retire) Said he felt locked in the marriage it wasnt a mature relationship and we should both get a life.So I moved on my own,fell apart, but prepared for divorce. There had been OW but he had left her in January as she was pressuring him. He is still emotionally involved.We did some counselling around Christmas and he said I had changed could we delay final Divorce absolute.We then saw each other every other week and seemed to be getting closer but he still kept saying" I dont know what will happen all the cards are in the air"Recently OW approached him and he weakened (booked holiday with her but then cancelled it " It wouldnt be right")Noticed him pulling away-afraid I panicked last time I saw him 5 weeks ago and said I must know one way or another .He said he loved me but was frightened and didnt know if we could be together as man and wife. He asked for another month. Since then apart from a casual and friendly birthday text 3 weeks ago I have heard nothing. I usually contact him after 5 or 6 days or he does. This silence is weird and unusual. What is he thinking? Ive been expecting the final divorce paper but he obviously hasnt sent it off. Nor can I.He has always said I dont want divorce ( wanted it when bomb went off last may!) Weve been separated a year. Im scared he is slipping away- find it hard to let him go and GAL-I feel so sorry for his confusion and cant seem to move on.Also scared he is with OW as she lives in his town. Feel I want to confront him and end all this but cant. Should I contact him? How long should I wait? Settlement is an issue as I retire in a month and havent enough to live on- he is still working 4 years younger than me.This is a long and rambling post- if you have read this far thank you and any advice would be great- I feel I cant think clearly any more!
Sorry about the sitch you find yourself in ... although, it sounds like you have been in it for the last 25 years, only you didn't know it (or, didn't admit it).
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formal but friendly arrangement for 25 of them-he had affairs I had denial-
Look, to me, it seems your H has been playing this game for a long time. He is a serial cheater, IMHO. If you got back together, how do you know it won't continue? It seems like he has a psychological problem if he can cheat on his W for 25 years! Counselling may help him, and I wouldn't take him back unless he seeks help.
My advice ... serve him with D papers, getting as much of the assets as you can, plus alimony (you have been married for a long time, and you are probably entitled to it, plus to any pensions he may have, etc.). See a lawyer, check what your rights are, and take control of your own life, and not live it waiting for your H to decide what he wants.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thank you for that advice which my head(and all my family) say is the obvious thing to do.It would be so much easier if he was unkind to me but as long as he is so confused and lost I cant seem to let him go . He has had counselling and I know realises his behaviour is not right he gets upset and says"forgive my weakness" But I know he loves me.I cant bear the thought of him not in my life anymore.This is so difficult. I guess time will resolve it. Meanwhile, I am managing to go to work and be with my family.Thanks again.
