Dar, I've just decided that I won't let this beat me or define me as a woman. I have days where I am ok with letting go and other days where I just want to curl up in a ball and die, but those days are far less than they used to be.
Even after all of the chit that hes put us through in the last 6 months, I still love him, but I also know that right now there is NO HOPE of reconcilliation and to even try would just end in a complete disaster. H's life is too messed up and complicated to even give that a thought. He needs to work things out his own way and I just need to get myself together and decide what I want and what is best for me and my kids. I had to put distance between us because if I didn't I think I would end up hating him and I don't really want to do that.
Its not easy and there are days that Iam tempted to do all of the things you shouldn't...engage in R talk, drama, crying, etc. and sometimes I do and it ends badly, and sometimes I don't and I just find a way to go on. All I can do right now is try and be a friend to H, any further involvement just makes me crazy and is counter productive.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
