Let me say that usually these "measuring rods" are based upon their past experiences with us.

Did you tend to opt out of family time under the guise of work or school?

Were you overly critical of her and some of the things she did?

Were you hesitant to allow her to do things on her own without becoming suspicious or hurt?


If she's measuring these things now, there's a good chance that these are some of the issues she had with you in the past. And if that's the case, measuring is exactly what's going on here. You say you've changed, she's trying to see if you really have or not.


This is exactly why it's important that we figure out what OUR contribution to the marriage mess was, that we FIX those faults, and that we do it for real, not just to win them back.


The walk away spouse may be irrational at times, but they have keen eyes and they can smell bullshit a mile away. You would do well to keep that in mind.


You can't play games with her and win her back.
You can't "technique" her back.
You can't trick her back.


You have to win her back legitimately by taking ownership of your faults, correcting them, and being real in your interactions with her.


The idea is that she fell in love with you once before. Something there connected between the two of you and then was lost. Rediscover it, then BE REAL.


Bill

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."