Thank you so much everybody for your posts. I wouldn't have been able to get through this without you all!
I feel weird today, still a bit numb and very tired. It really took it out of me yesterday! I went for cupcakes with my friend at lunchtime and that was my treat, my second treat will be to crash in front of the TV tonight with some pasta so I will be down the gym tomorrow to compensate... I'll start my diet on Monday :-)
I sent my h a quick email to say that I appreciated him meeting me to talk yesterday - I thought about what Michelle said about reinforcing positive behaviour and that was a big step for him. I also changed the medium from the dreaded text message. As I have been dark for so long I thought that might be a surprise for him as I have never thanked him for his efforts before. Doubt I'll get a reply but hey, I won't dwell, afterall it can't make the situation worse.
I'm going to do some serious thinking this week. I feel so much better this morning for handling that meeting the way I did and feel like I have grown as a person. I really thought that pleading and showing him how upset I was would help my situation and make him 'see'. But actually it just made me lose confidence in myself and kind of feel a bit degraded as it is not a nice position to put yourself in. I see that by being strong and calm I feel so much better within myself and feel better able to handle whatever the next step is. Normally after something like that I'd be in bed hiding under the duvet, instead I am at work and reasonably happy.
Generally people have been postive when I told them about my interaction with my h but someone said something which hurt quite a lot 'all those self-help books have paid off then'. Hmmm try and ignore that one. I am kind of keeping the ffact that I saw my h private as otherwise I find people tend to project negativity unintentally on me by being negative about my h when actually he did a hard thing for himself last night. Even if things don't work out with my h at least I feel that I can try and walk away with a bit of dignity - DB has really helped me find that.
