Ok, I'll reply to her text this morning with my words.
I still think part of this is a MLC. She had been talking for months (which is way before she started talking to him) about how she wasn't happy with her lot in life. How she didn't feel she was doing the right thing. I tried to be helpful and told her that maybe she should go get a job or try something else, etc.
Maybe it was just a cry for attention that I missed, but it seemed way bigger than that. She went for a week without eating, and then a week without sleeping. She was a mess. One of her greatest accomplishments of getting a novel published was happening and she didn't even care. And this was definately before the affair.
I completely agree with these techniques to deal with the affair. But I wonder if it's counterproductive in dealing with a MLC.
Lynn
Whether or not she was in "MLC" (and reasonable people disagree about whether or not that's an actual condition, or just a collection of behaviors) before her affair is irrelevant. The affair is still the immediate obstacle to the reconciliation of your marriage. I myself was in a long-term SSM (sex-starved marriage) when my wife began her affair, and we still are struggling with that. It added context to the affair, but it didn't change the needed strategy and tactics one iota.
The choice, however, is up to you. I'm only telling you what worked for me, and others. I'm still sensing not "doubt" as much as I am "fear" in your wanting to apply what people are telling you. That's OK; I get it. I was scared chitless myself. But someone told me once that "Courage is what you call it when you're absolutely terrified to do something, and you do it anyway."
