Wife Filed And I Need Help With Busting ASAP

[Scott123]

I just got a hold of the divorce remedy and I'm almost done with
it. I have so many mixed emotions right now and hopefully I can
get some advice from you guys on my pending divorce.

BACKGROUND:

Been with her 14 years, married ten years with two daughters. M37 W34

We have had an up and down relationship for several years now brought on
by a lot of stress. Lot's of family members dying, splitting up, health
issues etc. We get along great for a few months, then go down a dark
road, get along great and repeat.

One of the main problems especially with the health issue was that I was
diagnosed with bipolar disorder a few years ago. I was on and off meds,
nutrients etc for a few years, but none of it worked to resolve the problem.
No matter what I was on or doing I'd still have major setbacks and episodes.
Manic episodes and dealing with a lot of snap anger and rage with tons of
yelling over even the littlest things. Being mad at the world for no reason
etc. Totally out of my control. This caused a huge drain on our relationship and
these cycles would come and go. I've left probably 4 times over the last 5
years. My wife was non supportive and was always screaming that I needed to
be on medication and just being extremely harsh with zero compassion. Attacking
me for the problem I had. She also admitted to cheating on me.

(The past year I was in touch with an old female friend of mine, who was there
to support me while going through all of these issues with bipolar. She was
there whenever I needed to talk, to calm my emotions, help me get a handle
on things etc. I've known her since I was a kid and she is a great friend.
We never had a relationship or anything like that, we are just strictly friends.
My wife thinks we are more. No matter what I say she does not believe me. Honest,
we are simply friends nothing more. I wanted to mention that because my wife dwells
on that subject a lot. My wife was not there for me, so I turned to my
friends)

We have come close to divorce in the past and have been on eggshells plenty of
times. In Jan/Feb I moved out because of constant fighting, dealing with anger
some of it brought on by her cheating and constantly going out. etc. After being
away for a few weeks I caved and did the whole pleading and crying which only
pushed her away. We hardly talked for two months. During this time I started to
GAL and I was really getting a handle on the bipolar issue by changing my diet,
getting on a strict supplement program etc. My wife saw the changes and started
to open up a bit and talk to me. She texted me and told me she's glad I got the
help I needed, but wants a divorce and said she was filling the paperwork.She ended
up calling me and started getting into relationship talk and wanted to see what
I was going to do now.

I told her I was seriously thinking about moving out of state. I had opportunities
and my friend also offered a place to stay for a few months until I get situated.
Note: I was in the mind set that we were getting divorced, so I was planning my
future that way. I really thought that was it. She started flipping out and
getting really mean, telling my I was no good to leave my kids and that she was
happy she decided to get a divorce etc.. The conversation was bouncing all over
the place, she was telling me that that's what I needed to do because I was in love
with this other girl (NO, she is just a friend... seriously. She has a fiance BTW.)
and on and on. I told her I needed to look out for me now. She got even angrier.
Then she proceeded to tell me in explicit detail that she needed to start having
fun and no more relationships. She made it a point to tell me she was just going
to go out and have fun, meet younger guys just for sex because they make her feel
hot and sexy. etc. etc. (i was not biting) I told her she should do whatever she
felt she needed to do to be happy, but to be careful. I said I really did not want
to here the details of it because it was too weird hearing about here having sex
etc. She kept trying to talk about it. All I got out of it was that she was trying
to make me jealous? I did not bite and told her I had to go and ended the conversation.

Next day she texts me some light chit chat as if we never even had the argument.
And then it turns sexual again and we ended up hooking up that night. The next
night she went out with her friends, while I staid at the house with the girls
and made them dinner. She got a little drunk and later that night we laid in
bed talking and she was spilling her heart out saying I belong there with her
and the kids, that she does not want a divorce, that I really am the sweetest
guy and on and on changing our relationship and falling deeper in love, having
date nights etc.. (that was about three months ago.)

We ended up getting together a few times and one thing leads to another, we ended
up sleeping together a few times and I was staying there overnight a lot. We were
getting along just like "old times" and it felt great and I ended up moving back
in. Things were great. She was proud of the changes I went through and so was I.
However, I was totally up front and told her specifically that it's possible I
could have a setback and we would have to work through it if I did. She was 110%
supportive and said shed be right there with me to work on any problems.

CURRENT SITCH:

Fast forward about 2 months. I did have a setback. Got into a sugar/junk food
craze and fell into depression and rage and danger started popping in again. I
had a real bad episode for about a week where I was totally out of control, mean
and nasty saying horrible stuff and totally out of control. It was pretty bad
and it's like a blur, but what i do remember was pretty bad. This was about a 2
week stretch. (about a month ago) and my wife pretty much ignored me after that.
She would avoid me, told me she is getting a divorce, demanded that I move etc.
She is not even sleeping in our room now.

After I broke out of the episode I started going back and doing some research and
talking to people to try an figure out what the hell happened. After a few days
and a few doctors we finally figured out exactly what went wrong.


After all that it turns out that I was misdiagnosed and I'm not bipolar at all. I
am hypoglycemic and gluten intolerant. This was the cause of all the rage/anger
episodes, clouded thinking, depression, dizziness etc. It also explained why I never
responded to meds I was given. I was shocked, but also relieved finally to find the
real problem. I was put on a strict hypoglycemic diet and I followed it to the
letter. The anger and rage disappeared almost overnight. The depression lifted, clouded
thinking cleared up etc. It was life changing amazing. I feel 1000% better and I'm
back to my old self... the guy she loves and the guy I love.

I apologized to the girls and my wife, but no matter what i say or do my wife does not want
to hear any of it. She continued to ignore me and avoid me. And in between the ignoring she
would be spiteful and just mean. She does not care to hear anything at all about being
hypo, does not want to hear about how it affects blood/sugar and brain chemistry etc.

Divorce Papers - After this last setback she got the paperwork for the divorce after
threatening me about it for several days. She left them on our kitchen island for
nearly two weeks. She wanted me to pay for half of it and I said no. We had our
income tax and some other money that we split several weeks early so it was not
like she needed any money at all. Anyway... after about two weeks she walked in
the living room one day and said " I just paid for this in full and it's going out" I
just said "Thats Fine" in a casual tone. A week goes by and I notice that there's a
new set of divorce papers on the island again. They sat there for a few more days and
then I guess she mailed them. I did not say a word about them to her, but she definitely
left them out in the open again on purpose. I guess she did not send the first ones? Who
knows. I just thought, geeze if she wanted a divorce so bad and was so furious why wait
at all, why not send them right out the day she got them. I tried not to read into
it anymore than that, but it's hard not to as those papers hold the future of our
marriage.

I was devastated because finally i had the solution to a problem that caused a lot of pain in
our lives. Finally I could move past it and I was so happy about it, but she just totally
blew it off. That's what really kills me the most, she attacks me like I did all that crap
on purpose or something, when it was really a reaction out of my control. I had a bunch
of literature, videos and even the doctor willing to talk to her, but she does not want
to hear any of it and just keeps telling me I need to leave. She was nasty and told me don't
text her, don't email her, call or talk to her that she won't even respond.

I gave up trying to talk to her because she just gets angry or ignores me. I basically kept
to myself for the past several weeks or so.


I did do a slight backslide a couple of days ago though. It was fathers day and i was really
down and I overheard her talking on the phone about how happy she is going to be when the
divorce is over and can't wait to go out on the weekends etc. I go the impression that she
was talking loud on purpose so that I would hear her (spite). Well, I confronted her and
asked her why she is being so mean to me and that it seems she has this deep hatred now. She
denied hating me and said she'll always love me, but said that she wants a divorce because
it's not the same kind of love. I then tried to get her to see it from my point of view and
how the irrational actions, irritability, rage etc. where from the illness , told her I was
sorry and wished it never happened etc. I said you keep focusing on the past and not seeing
the future right in front of you. She started getting aggravated and said I need to move out
and wants a divorce. I did not yell or get angry, I just tried to get her to be understanding
of the real cause of the problems we had, but she did not want to hear any of it. To keep this
short - these are basically some of the comments she said:

"I'll always love you, but it's not the same. I want a divorce and there is nothing you can
say or do that will change my mind"

"Get it through you head that we are getting a divorce and you need to move out! Do something
for me for once and leave."

"You don't love me, it's just an obsession" Not sure where that one came from, It took me
for a loop when she said it. I didn't even now what to say.

"We don't belong together, there's too much stress and I'm not good for you either"

"I've heard it all before, the changes wont last." I said it's totally different because I was
never treated for hypoglycemia and gluten intolerance before. She said "I don't care, I've seen
it all before"

"I can't get close to you, afraid of the same thing happening again in a few months"

"I'm too independent now and used to doing everything on my own. I don't need you for anything."

"You just need to let me go and move on"

"Go ahead and move on and go be with your friend, I see how you light up when you talk to her"

"I don't want to be in any relationships anymore, I just want to have fun and go out"

"We've grown too far apart and I don't love you the same way anymore. I think I just stayed with
you out of habit" Yet two or three months ago we were seriously talking about renewing our vows!
Getting land, building a house taking a few vacations, building a business etc.

This woman is so stubborn!

We ended up just ending the conversation - she went down stairs and I went in our room. About
ten minutes later she stormed in the room and said "Well, are you moving out now?" I said, yes
if that's want you want, but it will take me time (as in a few months). You know its not easy
just picking everything up and leaving. I then told her to just leave me alone. She stormed
back out. The next day she was actually nice to me, which was really odd. (she has some
massive mood swings on her own)

This is the type of messages I get from her:

"I am glad you are dealing with this. This is not going to change the fact that I want a
divorce. I can't go through anymore episodes. This is for the best. Nothing you can say
or do will change my mind. The last time you went through all of this I told you I would
give it on more try. And you said thats all I want, you also said if you had another
outburst you would understand what I would have to do. I just want you to move out! Finally
for once do something for me and stop making me feel bad or guilty. I was afraid of you
this time. Each episode gets worse and worse. I can't do this any longer!"

Being afraid is understandable after what we've been through, but she is being stubborn
when it comes to looking at the real problem and why it occurred. I mean there's a logical
reason. She wants to hear none of it though.

Note - I told her that I am leaving, but it will take me a while to get stuff moved and
everything situated. I told her I needed to get some funds together and take care of a lot
of "stuff" that is here. When I did box some stuff up and took it out of the house last
week she got all pissy and moody. Slamming stuff, being mean etc. (Arrggg, don't get it,
if she wants me to leave so bad why act like that when I make an effort to?)

Says she loves me, does not hate me and just wants to be friends, yet does all this spiteful
mean stuff. Going out partying on the weekend, not being understanding at all about the
health problem
I had to deal with etc.

Note - Her family, mostly mom, sister and two or three close friends are validating and
agreeing with anything she says. Basically supporting her actions etc. her close friends
are encouraging her to "get out of the relationship and move on" on a daily basis. This
really sucks because no matter how stubborn or mean she is they console her and tell her
she has made the right decisions etc. That is very frustrating. I have not talked to her
family or friends about any of it because I know that will just get her even more pissed
off. And to top it off, most of her friends are divorced or in seriously troubled
relationships so you can imagine the advice she is getting.

I'm not sure what to do now. I feel so lost, mostly because I was so sure that she
would be right there for me and help me through the problem I had and she totally
turned her back on me.

Right now she is still basically ignoring me, she sleeps in a spare room. Small
chit chat is all I get and even that is only related to the girls and small issues.

I'm not sure if I should just move out ASAP or take my time as planned to see if
things can work themselves out, while I plan to move.

I know I need to stay busy. I have been going out, but she does not seem to really
care at all, she goes out herself. She's playing like she could care less what I do
or where i go.

We were remodeling our house too recently and there's a lot of work left to do. It's
been stalled for months now because of the stuff we've been going through. I don't
know if I should start back working on the house while I'm here now or not to keep
busy... maybe she would think I'm doing it to kiss her ass.

Any ideas on the next move I should make?

Seemed like she got jealous the last time we were separated and thats what got her
chasing me a bit. Maybe I should try and get her jealous?

This month is really bad - our 10 year anniversary is in less than two weeks. Its
really painful and very hard keepign it cool now especially with that coming up. It's
tough trying to act like nothing is bothering me.

Almost forgot. I've been working on a special photo book for almost a year now that
was to be an anniversary gift. It's a professionally printed book. There is an enormous
amount of work put into it. I was planning on giving it to her regardless of what is
going on in our relationship, but I'm not sure now. Do you think i should still give
it to her? It would be such a waste to let it go. I mean it is packed with memories.
I pain stakingly scanned 1000's of old photos, included poems, quotes, song lyrics etc.

-- Wrote the above 3 days ago and posted now because it my account needed to be approved.

Today (3 days later) I got up, got a shower and all dolled up (looked pretty damn good
too) and was getting ready to leave to go meet a friend for lunch. (she did not ask
where I was going and I made no effort to tell her) As I was about to walk out the
door she blurted. "Are you going to leave?" I stayed cool and calm and said yes,
but it wont be for a while because I have a lot of stuff to move and other things to
get taken care of.(I've already told her this more than once and just the other day)
She got real annoyed and said. "Well, I'm going to leave then. I'm not staying here
with you here anymore." I said, OK fine, if thats what you need to do. I have to go
though because I'm late already and I walked out the door.

I got back home about 6 hours later and she didn't say a word to me, basically
avoided me. I went upstairs to our bedroom and I noticed that she went through some
of my things while I was gone. I had certain things positioned a certain way just
to see if she was snooping around because I thought she was looking through my
stuff before and today I confirmed it.

Geeze... she's acting psycho sometimes. It's like she wants to push buttons
and get me into an argument or she wants to see me miserable, angry or upset. I
have been playing it calm and cool, being perfectly happy and it seems like that
pisses her off or something. I don't under stand it.

Today I am taking th ekids to the amusement park. I asked her to go and she
said "Are you kidding me... no" so I left it at that.

She's doing other stuff directly out of spite and I'll post about them later, but
I'm goign out the door right now.

Thanks in advance for any help and suggestions.

Scott