Well, somehow I think the whole trust things has a lot to do with his ex wife. When she left him, she literally cleaned out the house. So, when I left, I somehow think that he's 'reenacting' that moment. During this outburst, he literally compared me to her this time, and I came out as scum of the earth. In the past, he used to rant and rave about how low she was, the things she did, and I personally saw how she acted, but he never compared us. She was immature and totally selfish, vindictive. So, I understand why he's doing some of the things he's doing, but it really hurts to be compared to his ex wife all of a sudden. I don't get it. Maybe it's more than that, I don't know.
It's been an emotional roller coaster for me, I won't lie. I have allowed a lot of what he said about me get to me personally, but I am getting a grip on that, and I realize that what he says is not true, it's just what he's going through right now. It's still very hard. I really feel sad for him, truthfully. He's confused I'm sure. I'm just leaving him alone. This site has really helped me a lot, just reading and I can relate to so many. I am not reading the DR book and GALing. (BTW, turned in an application to a job I really really really hope to get... need prayers!!!!)
Part of me believes that right now, he's just emotionally lashing out. The way he worded his emails to me makes me think that because he used phrases like... I don't care at this moment, etc. They weren't 'permanent' markers, if that makes sense, it was like the theme of the email is "right now I'm just pissed off." Instead of saying, I don't want to ever see you again, he said, Right now, I don't want to see you or be near you. But hell, I could be totally misinterpreting that.
I don't know if I should write him or not. I suppose I should, even, if like you say, he writes back a snotty response, so be it.
The rollercoaster is one heck of a ride and it can definitely get to you. Getting that new job would probably help out quite a bit on many levels (GAL and finding a new focus). When do you expect to hear about the job?
If it was me I would probably take some hope in the wording of the e-mail but I would just keep it too myself. I think sometimes the subconscience has a way of coming out.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Hi A-jane.. thinking positive thoughts & prayers that your quest for a job & GAL are fulfilled sooner rather than later.
[[[hugs]]] for the harsh words from LBS... at least it sounds as if you can understand where his anger is coming from and how the similarity of situations can feed it.
I agree that some words in the email sound as if he realizes that these feelings may too pass. Hopefully your actions of NOT fulfilling his expectations of what WAW's do will help ease his anger over time.
take care today.
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Well, job hunt wise, not looking good, but I was told that in a couple of weeks the store that I left an application with (the one that I'm really really really hoping for.) will start calling in two weeks. Turns out that the smaller franchise is moving into a much bigger place, and turning it into one of their super stores, so I'm hoping that I will get a job there.
I've kept pretty busy the last few days. Today I got my haircut & styled, which I needed, and so now I feel a little more human. Baby steps.
Today is my SS's birthday. I'm perplexed on whether I should call. I just want to wish him a happy birthday, but I don't want my H to turn it into something else. My SD's birthday is this Sunday. Been shopping for birthday gifts for them this week. Since my dad is going to see SS this weekend, he'll give the gifts to him, and my SD's to my H to give to her. That way, it's 'not me' giving gifts to prolong this stupid rift, ya know.
I'm suppose to be going rafting next week. Should be fun. Haven't been on the river in years. That's about it for now.
I know it is a bit late, but I would give him a call and wish him happy birthday. Afterall you do care for him, and they did like you. It might actually backfire if you didn't...he might think "she doesn't really care about my kids". Don't make it about you and your H, but about you and your SS. Just my thoughts. I got a call from my MIL wishing my Happy Fathers Day
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
I did call a few hours ago, but no one picked up the phone, so I had to leave a message. I assume that they were not home. Hopefully, that will smooth over okay.
I miss the kids. I realize that I didn't just lose a H, but I lost an entire family. People have no idea how much harder it is for a step parent, one that truly loves their kids. You put your heart out and volunteer to take care of someone else's kids for very little appreciation, it makes me sad. That is one thing that I really really wish my H would understand.
Thanks for the support... it means a lot to me. There's not a whole lot of people I can talk to- privately, ya know. Kinda why I came here.
I miss the kids. I realize that I didn't just lose a H, but I lost an entire family. People have no idea how much harder it is for a step parent, one that truly loves their kids.
This just goes to show what type of person you are. I can appreciate this from a slightly different perspective. When my W and I were looking at having kids we considered adoption due to fertility issues. One of the big concerns I had was if I would be able to love another child as much as one of my own. I just wouldn't want an innocent child to have to settle like that. After having children I feel I probably would but imagine it takes an extra bit of effort sometimes.
I am glad you called to wish your SS a happy birthday. It took courage and it was the right thing to do. From some of your earlier posts it seemed like you were pretty involved in his life and there was a bond there. Remember they didn't ask for this.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Not to sound boastful or bragging, but you're not the first person to tell me this either. Sigh... if only my H would figure out what he truly is missing...
You're right about the extra bit of effort. When a couple adopts a child, that child is their child. Their is no one else in connection with that child, you are Mom and Dad, the unit. But when you have a step child, you often have another parent in the picture. And often, they don't like you, or what you do for the kids, or are jealous because you are spending this or that time with the kids, etc. It is all insecurity. And it is very stressful.
And on top of that, I have/had TWO biological mothers to deal with. My focus was on my H and my kids- not the pity crap. I gave everything to make this my family because it was the only family I got, and all I wanted was a little appreciation and thanks- I didn't need fancy gifts or objects, that is all materialistic, just a hug or a kiss, thank you honey, etc. I never bitched moaned or groaned about it.
So, this whole thing is so perplexing to me how my H thinks of me, how he criticized me or how angry he is at me. I just wish my H would understand this sometimes. But his head is too wrapped around his pride and ego right now. Maybe in time it will change. I hope so. I'm just giving him space, and hopefully, he'll figure it out.
