I"m wide awake (dozed a little off and on over the last few hours) and I'm scared...of what comes next, of how i'm going to deal with this with my kids, of whether to call H on the fact that I'm sure he'es lying about where he's staying right now.
I realize i'm especially scared about the fact that, even with all the IC and help from here, I still find myself sucked back into the emotional storm of H's making that this is all my fault, that H did everything for so many years and I did nothing. Intellectually I know that's just not true at all, but still I sit here right now with tears streaming down my face feeling like it is.
And the saddest part is that ultimately it doesn't matter what THE TRUTH is; H wants me out of his life, and so that's where we are...i know that I can only control me, but that doesn't keep my family together, that doesn't ease my children't pain.
I need a short range action plan...but how do I go about doing that? How do I set appropriate boundaries now, when I've so rarely been successful in doing it before with H?
