I think you hit on something.... it's when I do things for others I feel good. It's like this high. I just feel happy. I can shop and enjoy girly things, and do things to pamper me or hobbies I enjoy.... but nothing gives me this calm sense of satisfaction, and serene happiness, and sense of well-being as making a difference somehow in someone else's life.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Blues- This forum is great on reminding others what we know deep down. I was talking and praying to God the most the 2 weeks prior to my H moving back in. The Bible and the Purpose Driven Life. Funny, I've seen that book and even told myself....I am so not ready to dive into that....maybe I should soon.
Saffie- Got the book. Thanks for the warning, I'll keep that in mind.
Running- I know what you mean about doing things for others. Get this....I loved doing things for OM...made me feel sooo good...wanted to do them, didn't want appreciation, just wanted to do them.......I hardly ever want to do things for H....and when I do, I have to really force myself. What do you make of that?
My guess is the reason you love doing things for OM is he's feeding you something in return. You said you didn't want appreciation, but I'm sure he was doing something that "fed" you. If he didn't, you wouldn't be so addicted to him....
As far as not really wanting to do things for H... well, most people don't give a rat's @ss about what they have. It's only when they don't have it that they realize it's value. Your car, your home, your job... they are just there. If you didn't have them that's what you'd be striving for...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Yep, you are probably right....what OM "fed" me was the affection I guess. But, I picture H doing what OM did, and in fact H is starting to do those things, and I still feel different.
I hate to think I don't give a rat's @ss about what I have, but unfortunately you are probably right.
I was thinking more about what the OM "feeds" me. OM adores me, says constantly there is nothing he'd change about me, is proud of me, loves to "show me off", etc. H can try to do these things, too, but I don't seem to "feel it" from him. Am I just making it a fantasy? It sure doesn't seem like a fantasy.
You have to change your mentality. Quit comparing H and OM. Everything with OM is a fantasy, there is not one drop of reality there. Quit playing scenarios with Om out in your head. It does no good.
Focus on your H and what a good and obviously patient man he is. Create or act out fantasies with him.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
WDID - He adored you and showed you off, but you are someone else's wife. Do you think he would do this if you were HIS wife? NO.
This is where you are skewed in your thinking (I have been there too so I know).
Get it in your head that OM would NOT be a good husband to you, he may have been a "good" lover or affair partner. But the two things are not the same.
I have no idea if you will ever have those kinds of feelings for your husband or not. Maybe not. You have to be prepared to accept that you may not and make your choices accordingly. But OM has nothing to do with that. FIND OUT your real feelings for your husband and go from there.
kat, I don't know how many times you have told me to stop comparing, but I still do. I can hear your frustration with me. Bear with me, please. I can't explain it more than my mind and heart seems to be all about OM, and it seems so real. I am really going to have to start doing the thoughtstopping techniques to try to get my mind from going there.
Queen, I do think that OM would do those things if he were my H, but that's beside the point. Ok, you said find out my real feelings for my husband...how would you suggest I do that?
OK.