Well, I didn't have to wait long to see which way things were headed:
Sunny said:
Quote:
Having an affair is one thing, the reality of actually turning your life upsidedown to be with that person is another.
HOwever, not so hard that it prevented H from leaving tonight to sleep elsewhere. It's hard to say that this came out of nowhere, but it kind of did. My only inkling was that H had left his car out of our garage, and when I asked him about it, he just said he might 'go out' later tonight.
Then later, while we were just both sitting on our sunporch before dinner, he informed me that he had left the car out because he had an apartment 'short-term, corporate' place to stay in (I think he said it was pro-rated for a couple of weeks, or something like that...which made more sense later) and was looking at some more long-term ones. and then just launched into the same-old, same-old recitation of how miserable he's been...
I don't even have the energy to reconstruct the convo. It was mostly about how he just can't keep going on this way, how he tried so hard for years to get me to see things that I needed to change, how I had not been in his corner during critical times in his life, had sided with others, etc... about how lousy our (nonexistent) sex life was, about how he had gotten us to go to MC 17 years ago and how I didn't do anything about it, etc., etc. How I didn't ever believe that he would leave (although I told him I felt that he would do this last year) so never really made any changes...even down to things like how years ago he had told me I could stand to use mouthwash and I ignored him (??)
There's really no way to respond to much of any of this...and I didn't really try. On one or two points I did speak up; in talking about this place, H said he wouldn't ask me to stay there (we traded weeks back and forth in an efficiency when we 'separated' 6 years ago), but that he didn't want me to make this house like I did the apt....bringing friends in (made it sound like I had party central...totally wrong) I countered that he had invited friend over once during that time, same as I did. H then talked about how I had told my parents, very critical of this. I reminded him that I only told them because we had a significant planned vacation a couple months hence with them that H had decided not to go on (involved already purchased plane tickets, etc...week in family friends' condo in Williamsburg, etc.--so they had to know) He initially tried to argue his way out of that, but then realized what I was saying, and later wound up saying he was sorry about those comments...
He did tell S18 that he was going to be staying at apt. like he did before (not telling S12, said he'd be back 'early' tomorrow morning, before S12 wakes up...) H made sure to say he had used 'his' money (mom's inheritance), not ours...but i'm convinced he's staying with OW for the next couple weeks (i've not been wholly successful in stopping all snooping, and know that her Ss are away for next couple weeks...)
I started to make a few comments about if he decides to follow through with things about the house, and then realized quickly (and H said this) that this was really not the time to get started on things like that..and on that point, I agreed.
Basically, it just sucked...of course, OW was never once mentioned, in fact H talked about how cynical he feels about having successful relationship in the future (such BS on his part...you should read how he blathers on to OW about their future...) I came very close to saying something about her, but wound up not doing so...not really sure why. At one point, H alleged that him finding apt shouldn't have been a surprize, because that's what I'd been looking at when he caught me snooping a while back. I had told him I was looking for his cell phone, (which would have had her phone # on it); when he challenged me on why I was doing this, I just didn't answer...
Man, I'm running on here...I'm just feeling numb right now. Doubt i'll sleep much; need to start figuring out how i'm going to respond to this.
Seems pretty clear H wants to be able to come and go here for now...use his office and have full access to the house and the boys. TOnight he just came in to the house from his office and announced to me (S18 was out at movie) that he was leaving and then he was gone...
I really don't know what to do next...how to proceed...
