...a confused WA is better than a determined WA, at least in my mind.
WOW! I loved this thought. My C suggested to me the other day that she thought H might be having some regrets, hence him kissing my head and holding me.
I had to text H today b/c we got a bill that our cable bill was overdue (it is normally on his credit card) So, I texted him about it and he is IM'ing me right now about it (while on a conference call for work, of course!)
I talked to one of my best friends this week and basically, she confirmed that this is a great time for me to be working on myself.
Isn't it crazy how I'm so torn with H, but at the same time..enjoying my freedom? I guess not that crazy, considering we started dating fresh out of high school and I never experienced this part of my life, my independence.
OD--I know you're asleep right now! I think about that alot when I log in..."Ok, OD is 5 hrs ahead, she is already out of work! ok, she is probably in bed right now!" hehe....:)
Going to Miami on Saturday with a friend from work. I can't wait to just lounge around, reading my book, sipping on delicious drinks on the beach. It is me saying, "HELLO SUMMERTIME!"
Hope you all are doing well!
love, Beth.
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
"btw, i appreciated your e-mail. started writing a bunch of responses, but none were any good. but i wanted to say that i appreciated it."
I wonder what he appreciated?
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
....still IM'ing. Just told me that he just realized he had tickets to a show that he thought was july 16th but was really june 16 and he was going to ask me to go.
"not that i asked you, but i was going to. even if you'd said no, i still would have gone."
B: You were going to ask me? H: Yes B; I would have said yes. H: LOL. Want your ticket? We can make believe we went.
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
YEAH!!! Right on, Jeff!! he is so stunned by your email that he can't formulate a good enough response, but tells you he appreciates it?? he is flirting with you on the IM about asking you to go out with him to a concert that already happened?? is something shifting, ever so slowly, so gently, opening??? I think your DBing is working....
I'm sorry I missed you in Jersey too, Beth!! I was not very organized. But I will keep you posted for all future Jersey visits, and maybe plan more in advance!
Maybe it is me being pessimistic, but I wonder if he didn't write back b/c he didn't want to bother? Meaning, that he was coping out by not replying.
I don't know.
I do think that something is opening, but is it perhaps opening as a friend, but not a husband? Ok, maybe not, b/c at the concert, he "copped a feel" as he was hugging me from behind.
I just don't want to be hurt again.
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
I'm so sorry I was asleep yesterday night- I missed all the excitement!
I think it's great that H responded about your e-mail. I think he couldn't find words to convey how much he appreciated it because he must have been very touched by what you wrote. I know I would have if I was him. IMHO that's really positive and shows that what you did must be working- more openness about your feelings is a good way to keep going.
I agree with T about him being confused- he obviously is, but I think that's a good thing at this stage (certainly better than being committed to the wrong course of action!). The more entrenched you guys get in your friendship (stage 2) the better the chances of getting to stage 3! I like that he copped a feel while he was hugging you- thaat's definitely romance oriented behaviour. Did you know my H copped a feel of my bottom in April one night when he was hugging me? That was a little step into romance for him and mee (although it's proving to be a struggle to get any further!). It must be really hard for them to start moving back, which is one reason why I think it takes so long and why they need reassurance.
I can totally understand about not wanting to get hurt again. How do you feel about taking the risk?
Did you know my H copped a feel of my bottom in April one night when he was hugging me? That was a little step into romance for him and mee (although it's proving to be a struggle to get any further!). It must be really hard for them to start moving back, which is one reason why I think it takes so long and why they need reassurance.
I don't remember that at all! How funny! I wonder how we can help them feel more comfortable moving forward from that? I was trying for alcohol, but obviously that just brought out the tears in me. Whoops!
Quote:
I can totally understand about not wanting to get hurt again. How do you feel about taking the risk?
I have a quote that I read alot, "I need to accept the risk of vulnerability. If H does do something negative or hurtful when I open up and let myself care again, I won't like it, but I will survive. I need to trust myself to be able to handle whatever H may do concerning this relationship."
The scariest part that I have is the idea of him getting over and moving on from The Horse. I still want him to open up to me more, b/c I find that I don't know what to trust in him anymore.
How do you trust someone who is just as confused about himself?
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
I agree, I don't think the IM response was a copout. Some of the best emails I've ever gotten I seriously never responded to b/c I thought whatever I wrote would be inadequate!! I think your email to your H would definitely fall in that category!
Also, opening to friendship (stage 2) just lays foundation for stage 3 (romance). and that is SO AWESOME that he copped a feel!!! If that happened to me I would be doing somersaults of joy inside.
I am confused, why are you scared of him moving on from TH?
