Regarding contacting his colleagues--I think that's very very risky. I would have to be absolutely sure they'd completely take my side and confront him almost with an ultimatum--and I just can't see that happening. They know him far better than they know me, and would likely believe him over me. The blowback from the exposure I HAVE done (pastor, a friend or 2, and his brother and SIL) has been really awful. Yes, I did it absolutely NOT from vindictiveness but from the perspective of anticipating those people to step up and say "WTF are you doing, H? Get your head out of your hiney and think about what's at risk." However, not only did that not happen, but several folks have cut me off--I imagine because of what dreadful things he told them about me to bail himself out and be the victim. They're now supportive of HIM.
HM,
I should have mentioned something important: I would ONLY advocate exposing their affair -- if you even decide to go that route -- if you had ironclad proof of it. It really strengthened my hand to be able to say to my in-laws, for example, "Look, I know this is upsetting to you, but please know that I wouldn't be telling you this if I wasn't absolutely sure of it, and had proof."
