That's when I'd add things like.... "Yes... actually I do. I can't say it doesn't hurt to have my family torn apart, and I wouldn't prefer having my family together.... but I did marry you, we have a child together, and a history...so I do care about you. I do want you to be happy and if being with her makes you happy then that's what you need to do...."

Saying stuff like that used to shock my husband. I think he was surprised by my selflessness and the fact that I could care enough about him and our history to want him to have what would make him happy.

Also, if he wasn't happy with me, then why would I want to be with him?

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.