Someday I'll learn how to post my previous threads.
For now, here is my revised email I'm about to send to h. It's time for me to right my wrongs and leave the rest up to H and God:
Jason, I want you to know that I’m writing this with no expectations. I don’t expect you to respond.
I’m coming to terms with a lot of things…things that I take responsibility for. A large part of this was stemming from my pride. So, the first thing I want to do is apologize. I’m sorry. I betrayed your trust and I didn’t show you respect. You deserved none of that. Respect is unconditional, and I put conditions on it. That was unfair to do to you. I made promises to you that I didn’t keep, not only betraying your trust, but obliterating my integrity. I have denigrated virtually every complaint that you have made about me. In order to what? Feel better about myself? That’s more than selfish, that’s stupid. I am so sorry. I know my behavior was very painful to you. I don’t every want to do that again. I have had a hand in destroying our family and hurt our kids more than they know right now.
For some reason, I needed to be in control, and I needed to be right. You’re right, look where it got me. I’ve stripped away my pride, and come to the humble place where I accept that I’m no longer in the driver’s seat (not easy for me). But, God is at the wheel, and I simply have to enjoy the ride.
I was recently asked, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? I’m done being “right”. Now I just want to be happy.
Again, thank you for having loved me, and thank you for your willingness to die for me. I hope that you can accept my apology, even if it’s not in you to forgive me.
Contritely, Emily
Suggestions??
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
