About the fireworks: it is on Thur 7/3 (my night) at the local mall. I will have other plans with the kids, so no, they aren't going to the party--doesn't matter who will be attending. I will talk to the kids about how things are going to be different, new traditions, trying new things out, etc., and making it fun for all of us. There is a carnival on the other side of the mall, so we'll take that in, then set up for the show ourselves. Or, we will find another fireworks display far from the house (not sure which, yet).
About this Fri night: I would like to dump the problem back in his lap (that I had already made plans, etc), but have no idea who he would get to babysit. I have plans with MIL for a church meeting. I am guessing that GF will be with him at the biker rally, lifting her shirt for the guys to take pics of (why would I say that? cause that was the majority of the pics x brought home from the rally last year--strangers ta-tas--yes, I am being mean; sue me). Her mother? The oldest daughter? Who knows. There isn't anyone else that I know and feel comfortable with to watch the kids. FIL has said that he will sit with them for the 2 hours so MIL and I can go out. I'm going to let this one go, but will write up something for an email saying that this has to be at MY convenience in the future; I don't want to cancel plans.
About GF being in contact: Yep, she is going to be around them. I was really struggling with how to handle this with the kids. IC gave me a great way to deal with it. I can truthfully tell the kids that I am not friends with her (she still hasn't been introduced as GF yet), but daddy is friends with her. They will never be in trouble with me for being around her with dad; I will not be angry with them. I do want them to tell me or dad if anyone, anytime or anywhere, says or does something that ever makes them uncomfortable, no matter who they are.
I saw the kids' IC quickly tonight. She had called me this week, looking for long-overdue payment that x had said he would take care of. I gave her a good-will check and said I was embarrassed that she had to wait...told her we would be calling this week to make appts for son and co-parenting coaching. She hoped that the co-parenting would happen asap.
I was at my own IC appt (same building). I got a lot out of tonight. The last session was a mess. IC and I spoke about how he probably left feeling vindicated, that I was crazy and he had to put up with me. She told me about her insights, things that I didn't notice--his complete lack of remorse for any of the hurt or his angry outbursts, any of inappropriateness, etc. She looked for it, left openings for it (that normal people would have been quick to say during the conversation). She also asked me to read what I could find on narcissistic personality disorder; how he simply cannot be wrong. He was sorry and tried to be kind while I was a mess right after the bomb, soaking in how all of it had been my fault. But the anger that exploded from him after the affair was discovered--that HE had done something wrong--said a lot. And the lies and betrayal leading up to that said a lot about his character. She is guessing that it will be a very long time, if ever, that he even feels guilty, let alone questions what he has done--he would rather be in "emotional turmoil," than admit that he was wrong, especially to me. In his eyes, he is still the hero, the good guy; I am the one who is completely at fault. He is not ready, willing, or able to hear anything at all that counters this viewpoint.
She was cute--asked if I was still exerting too much energy on him and his issues, rather than me. I thought about it....no, there hasn't been the rumination. I don't think about it all the time, anymore. I am living the full life that I have. Knowing the the GF is a trigger, I just turn my head away as I pull into the driveway. I spoke with MIL about the possibility of moving, someday. I can't rush it, especially with the current market. I wondered out loud about moving out of state, getting away from all of this---there is nothing that says I can't. But then, I love my job. I would miss my in-laws, my friends. The kids would have to deal with another big change, moving schools. I would have to take the time to fix up the house. Stay in town? Would it make enough of a difference to warrant the expense and upheaval of moving? Just had some time to think out loud.
I spoke with a friend tonight on the phone. She said that I sounded SO much better, much more like my old self. I feel that way, too. Now, I don't pretend that there usually isn't a half-step backward for every step forward, but I hope that it sticks, and gets better from here. Here isn't so bad.
