infidelity

[hoosiermama]

Let me clarify a bit, because I may have been confusing.

H is in the very very early stages of preparing for episcopal priesthood. He is really in authority over no one in his congregation at this point or any time in the near future. I've talked at length with his pastor and the pastor's wife, so they are aware of the situation. Where it actually stands in terms of him moving forward, I don't really know because I only know what he hears and then what part of that he wants to tell me. At the very least, he has at least a couple of years before he would be ordained, with a lot of preparation in the interim. So I kinda think that's been addressed as much as is appropriate. I wouldn't really know who else to contact in his congregation anyway.

Regarding contacting his colleagues--I think that's very very risky. I would have to be absolutely sure they'd completely take my side and confront him almost with an ultimatum--and I just can't see that happening. They know him far better than they know me, and would likely believe him over me. The blowback from the exposure I HAVE done (pastor, a friend or 2, and his brother and SIL) has been really awful. Yes, I did it absolutely NOT from vindictiveness but from the perspective of anticipating those people to step up and say "WTF are you doing, H? Get your head out of your hiney and think about what's at risk." However, not only did that not happen, but several folks have cut me off--I imagine because of what dreadful things he told them about me to bail himself out and be the victim. They're now supportive of HIM. So it backfired in all the practical ways, and it also made him so angry that he became verbally abusive in front of D. I understand why it was so threatening to him, but the blowback was very painful for no gain at all. Right now everything seems like pressure to him, so exerting pressure deliberately--especially in this way--seems a no-win situation.

How did it work for you? Any other folks willing to jump in with an opinion?