I decided to elaborate on the reason for my no-list approach.
Let's take cologne as an example. There is a scent when the cologne is sprayed on a piece of paper. And then there is the unique scent that is generated by the combination of the body chemistry of the cologne user and the cologne. Cologne that smells great on that piece of paper may smell awful on the user - or the other way around.
Men are like cologne. What I find attractive in a man is not determined by a man in isolation. What I find attractive is based on the combination - or chemistry that is generated via interactions with me. It is based on the R synergy. That is really the only common factor I can find in the 5 men I have been attracted to since my D.
The mistake I have made in the past is there sometimes comes a point where my subconscious is unhappy b/c the R synergy diminishes along as time progresses and I am trying to figure out why a person that is everything I "should be" attracted to - I no longer find attractive. Or sometimes I meet someone and wonder why I am not attracted to them b/c they fit "the list" and then switch to there must be something wrong with me. And then there is "why on earth am I attracted to him - he doesn't fit anything on my list." I faced that one with Young Trader Joe Man.
So that is why I no longer have lists. That is why my focus has shifted to (i) being relaxed and balanced myself so that I am in a better position to trust my gut; and (ii) to move slowly b/c it takes time for the R chemistry to settle into an equlibrium state. b/c it is at that point that you can see whether an LTR is feasible.
