Not hearing that remark was good. IF she presses, you can choose between making it a joke, or saying something like "But I'm not looking", whatever you think you can pull off the best.
Make sure you focus on changing the things in you that you want to change. You are doing it for you, not her.
I just pretended not to hear it.. she had made mention when she dropped the D bomb.. i see so much potential in you, you will make whoever you fall in love with very happy.. at the time my reaction was woe is me... now i choose to pretend i didnt hear it, we will do our walk and do some laughing i am sure.. i guess well see how it goes, wow i almost got thru the whole day without calling her.. i am stronger than i thought..
her friend just emailed me asking how i am doing, it must be hard etc.. and how the new gym is.. not sure how to approach this email.. i might just say the gym is good, i started yoga, likely wont even mention the relationship or even address the "are you selling the house question".. i have a feeling she is going to tell the W everything i say in that email..suggestions?
Of course she's going to tell the wife everything! Don't mention the relationship or the house. Tell her about the gym, yoga, whatever, just no talk about the situation.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Hi and welcome here! I think it's great that you are going on walks together. You MUST keep it light! No talks about your relationship. Do not bring up the house, and DO NOT tell her she looks hot! Keep casual, keep it light. I would probably mention the dog walk you're going on - she'll see that as GAL (without her). She may like that.
yep i plan on just asking W how her day was and just listening..
i might make a joke or 2.. i just started running with one of the dogs the other night, and i know she was watching me. (was gonna do a quick sprint as my dog, Fenway likes doing that anwyays.. both the boys do.
She knows i am going on a walk with my dogs.. i didn't invite her.. she knows because i left a form on our kitchen island asking if she could pass around her work to see if anyone wanted to pledge for our boys walk.. i didn't say anything else..
about GAL... I am trying my best. Going to yoga was a big step for me.. i am not a big "new" things kinda guy.. when she dropped the D word.. i thanked her a few days later for her helping me get over some fears.. i.e i was always scared of the water, i still can't swim very well..but she got me in the water doing snorkelling in some really deep water..
now i am doing yoga.. (likely i was afraid people would laugh at me).. and working out every day..
Of course she's going to tell the wife everything! Don't mention the relationship or the house. Tell her about the gym, yoga, whatever, just no talk about the situation.
BTW hi Ladybug nice to meet you
That's the plan, wont even mention a word about any of that stuff..just the yoga/training and that's it, i will keep it brief and casual.
I had sent an email a few weeks ago to that couple apologizing for my behavior.. she replied with" that was very nice of you"
Hi D, Sorry it took me sooo long to get back to you. Teething baby seems to suck all my time and energy. Thanks for the email it was very thoughtful. No need to appologize. How are you doing? Are you guys selling the house etc? How's the Gold's Gym? Did you check out the pool? I'm keen to know what it's like as I need to get my butt over there and check it out. How's the councilling going are you feeling better? I'm sure it's hard no matter what. Cheers s
my probable reply:
Hi S,
the gym is great... pool isn't open yet.. i began hot yoga last night and it was awesome, so much fun, intense, yet fun.
I agree with MsLady...no relationship talk to the friends. It makes them feel like they are getting sucked into the middle. And the chances are, the girlfriends are going to talk, because that is what we do, and it will get back to your W that you are doing soooo well...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I agree with MsLady...no relationship talk to the friends. It makes them feel like they are getting sucked into the middle. And the chances are, the girlfriends are going to talk, because that is what we do, and it will get back to your W that you are doing soooo well...
please explain to dumb man how will she know i am doing well again?
She will know. Women tend to be observant. She may not let on that she knows, but she will know. It will be in the way you are, your tone of voice (or email), the fact that you are not badmouthing her friend. It also says volumes when you don't go overboard and try to tell the friend to let your W know. Rest assured, she will.
Case in point, years ago I was dumped by this guy, and a friend of mine ran into him. She told me how good he looked. I knew it was over.
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine ran into my H, and told me how miserable he looked. I knew he was hurting as much as I.
Its just the way of women.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I'm going to the gym, doing yoga, blah, blah, blah...
You are doing so well, you don't even talk about her, and the troubles in the relationship!
you know that even though those divorce papers are just sitting in my kitchen...(she hasn't filed as far as i know) i feel like i get stronger every day. I agree thank you.. i will just respond exactly the way i plan on responding..
