I think its called "self sustained chemicals of the female gender". O, sorry you didnt want a answer and I probably sound sexist. Sucks your W is roller coasting on you like it seems to be.
No not all I appreciate the input. As all have said only if I chose to let her do it me. I am in a funk but working to get out of it..
The emails are about her talking to her Aunt & a GF about how to handle the sitch with D17, 'normally' she would have 'bared' her feelings to me and that's eating at me just feel 'left out' that it's not my shoulder.
Brian, I don't think it's abnormal for your W to seek out some female understanding from female relatives about Pap Smears, biopsy's and female problems..
Unless of course you're an expert on Pap Smears. LOL You gotta be like me..I know nothing about them or biopsies.
Now is the time for you to listen and learn. Validate and be there for them..
Now, Pick yourself up and dust yourself off..
There's work to be done.
I hear what you are saying, she is growing in her new found independence I truly am happy for her, becoming who she is looking to be; always told her she needed to have a life of her own. Hard to change that mind set as you all know!
Expert? FUNNY! Far from it don't think I want to go there LOL
Honestly I know what it is AHA! I wasn't prepared for dealing with things that are taken for granted when together, & now that we are separated I feel lost & alone and out of the loop of everyday life. B-days, anniversaries, illnesses, etc...Mike you were so right about this, in one of your last posts but it didn't sink in til now thanks man!
The emails are about her talking to her Aunt & a GF about how to handle the sitch with D17, 'normally' she would have 'bared' her feelings to me and that's eating at me just feel 'left out' that it's not my shoulder.
Brian, I don't think it's abnormal for your W to seek out some female understanding from female relatives about Pap Smears, biopsy's and female problems..
Unless of course you're an expert on Pap Smears. LOL You gotta be like me..I know nothing about them or biopsies.
Now is the time for you to listen and learn. Validate and be there for them..
Now, Pick yourself up and dust yourself off..
There's work to be done.
I hear what you are saying, she is growing in her new found independence I truly am happy for her, becoming who she is looking to be; always told her she needed to have a life of her own. Hard to change that mind set as you all know!
Expert? FUNNY! Far from it don't think I want to go there LOL
Honestly I know what it is AHA! I wasn't prepared for dealing with things that are taken for granted when together, & now that we are separated I feel lost & alone and out of the loop of everyday life. B-days, anniversaries, illnesses, etc...Mike you were so right about this, in one of your last posts but it didn't sink in til now thanks man!
an aha moment. priceless.
Now do me a favor, pick up that intercom and call Mr. Smith over in Service and tell him Mike says to go outside and find the biggest piece of lumber that he can and come back inside and begin frailing Brian up side da head with it..lol lol.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off.
It's your B-day, it's time to celebrate. It's time to continue what you have been doing. It's ok that your W knows that D17 has you worried, she is worried also. Listen, Validate. Be a rock.
Go learn more about Pap Smears..lol
Go to work man. You know what to do. Ask no more than twice. Ask her to go. If she says no, then drop it but ask again as your leaving.
No matter what, have fun with those kids tonight. Hell man, it's your B-day. I'm drinking one for you tonight..
The emails are about her talking to her Aunt & a GF about how to handle the sitch with D17, 'normally' she would have 'bared' her feelings to me and that's eating at me just feel 'left out' that it's not my shoulder.
Brian, I don't think it's abnormal for your W to seek out some female understanding from female relatives about Pap Smears, biopsy's and female problems..
Unless of course you're an expert on Pap Smears. LOL You gotta be like me..I know nothing about them or biopsies.
Now is the time for you to listen and learn. Validate and be there for them..
Now, Pick yourself up and dust yourself off..
There's work to be done.
I hear what you are saying, she is growing in her new found independence I truly am happy for her, becoming who she is looking to be; always told her she needed to have a life of her own. Hard to change that mind set as you all know!
Expert? FUNNY! Far from it don't think I want to go there LOL
Honestly I know what it is AHA! I wasn't prepared for dealing with things that are taken for granted when together, & now that we are separated I feel lost & alone and out of the loop of everyday life. B-days, anniversaries, illnesses, etc...Mike you were so right about this, in one of your last posts but it didn't sink in til now thanks man!
an aha moment. priceless.
Now do me a favor, pick up that intercom and call Mr. Smith over in Service and tell him Mike says to go outside and find the biggest piece of lumber that he can and come back inside and begin frailing Brian up side da head with it..lol lol.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off.
It's your B-day, it's time to celebrate. It's time to continue what you have been doing. It's ok that your W knows that D17 has you worried, she is worried also. Listen, Validate. Be a rock.
Go learn more about Pap Smears..lol
Go to work man. You know what to do. Ask no more than twice. Ask her to go. If she says no, then drop it but ask again as your leaving.
No matter what, have fun with those kids tonight. Hell man, it's your B-day. I'm drinking one for you tonight..
Now why would I want to go and do that, gee maybe I will run out in front of a truck while I am at it LOL LOL!!!
It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to research some on it so that I can understand the 'mechanics' of it
Like you said won't beg for it
I will have a good time no matter what and probably have a couple just because, & if she doesn't go I just might flirt with the waitress lol..lol..!
I hear what you are saying, she is growing in her new found independence I truly am happy for her, becoming who she is looking to be; always told her she needed to have a life of her own. Hard to change that mind set as you all know!
Honestly I know what it is AHA! I wasn't prepared for dealing with things that are taken for granted when together, & now that we are separated I feel lost & alone and out of the loop of everyday life. B-days, anniversaries, illnesses, etc...Mike you were so right about this, in one of your last posts but it didn't sink in til now thanks man!
What sucks about gaining their independence, are they going to want to come back to a marriage where they fear not having independence anymore or so they feel its going to be that way?
You dont realize how lost and alone you get until you are actually there and how things were taken for granted. How to explain this to the WAS? I know, you cant, have to show them in other ways.
Im wondering (not to hijack but need input) if I should try to be nice and text to see how W's day is going to start some conversation. Guess that would be like a test to see how W will respond. Been trying my damnest and been doing pretty good at going dark, but think its counterproductive especailly since W is saying I am ignoring her when we need to start putting stuff on paper, not that I really am up to it.
my stories
M-31 W-28 S7 D2.5 T 8, M 4 W filed 2-14-08 D on hold 3/08 D off hold 5/08 D to be final on/by Nov 08 Anniv 9-4 looked hopeful
Hey Brian just wanted to wish you a happy b-day and tell that your D17 is in my prayers. Just be strong buddy and have a good time on your b-day. If you are going to have just a couple and flirt with the waitress I know a couple of good spots on O street JK but have yourself a great day!
Mike's got a lot of good stuff going your way. I have a 2 x 4 in my hands right now, so find those boot straps fast buddy.
You probably don't want to go looking into pap smears, it'll probably give you all sorts of things to worry about that you don't need to. Googling it can be a frightening experience. Trust me. It's totally normal for your wife to turn to a female in time of female stuff. I've never discussed my pap details with H. I just basically said, "well they did another test & it's not great". Then I called my mom, cried, & we hashed it all over 14 different directions.
Don't make too much out of the ILY not being on the card. She may have thought it over for 20 minutes before deciding not to. You don't know.
Right now, rather than being grey, I'd call her once today, once tomorrow, just to ask how she's doing & if she wants to talk. Just be light, tell her you're thinking of her, & know this is a hard time for her. (it is for you too, but you've got all of us pulling for you, & she's got you, know what I mean ?)
I hope she accepts the dinner invite, but if she doesn't, it may not mean she doesn't want to be around you. It may be too emotional for her with D's biopsy on Friday. Okay.
If you wanna talk more, you know where to find me. xoxo
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I know you are right as is everyone else, somethings on that end of the spectrum should be left alone by a man and I should just be there when needed and not take it personally.
The more I thought about it today that was an unfair expectancy on my part, she at least acknowledge my birthday and that I am greatful for she could have blown it off but she chose not to.
I think that is a good idea, put myself out there and then just be there if needed would be the best thing to do.
Not expecting anything really I do mean that all I can do is ask, will let you all know
So after my stint on the Pity Potty yesterday and with some love & support from my support group here, I managed to listen & take the advice given to me and called W late afternoon under the premise of 'just checking in on you'. I simply said, "D11 & I are going out for my b-day dinner & I would like to offer an invite to you to join us?" It got very quiet on the other end of the phone...I said, "we are going to 'xxxxx' Restaurant, we will be there about 6:30, I said think about it and text me yes or no it would be great if you did. About 45 minutes later I get a text; 'will meet you there at 6:30' SCORE!!!
We both pull in at darn near the same time and park. I can feel she is nervous, so I make a joke about her being all that cause she got a front row parking stall and D11 & I had to park half out in the back 40.(that's farm talk for a field)lol lol! She smiled & chuckled & told me they had just pulled out, I said yeah okay.
She hands me a sack I say what's this she says they are for you I said you really didn't have to but thanks. We go in get a booth sit down and I start up a convo to kinda keep things light and flowing, but it wasn't all that hard to do. D11 is happy smiling laughin, I am listening and lookin W right in the eyes when she is talking, validating like a 'good boy' & I am feeling pretty happy about now. We order W is happy Margs' are 1/2 price I get a beer and the convo just keeps going at a good pace.
We get done eating W says open presents now, she had bought me 2 Ralph Loren Polo shirts I thank her & say I love them you really didn't have to she says its okay I wanted to. (thought here, she would have had to have had them bought already cause they was no way she had time to do it before hand UHM?) so she grabs the check & was going to pay also. WTF! I said that is nice of you, but I asked you to dinner and I will pay for it.
So W says the plates are do on the car, do I have an updated Insurance card, I say you should but I will look in the car yes its in here she says okay. D11 hugs W & heads to the truck so I shut the car door turn around W is right there and gives me a hug not just a hug but a honestly where have you been all my life I miss you hug (if you get what I'm saying). Okay I'm thinking so much for being pissed off this morning dumb ARS! She finally loosens and says thanks I say thanks and begin to walk to the truck, then I remember I wanted to say something earlier to her so I head back to the car. It was something I over heard D11 saying about alittle boyfriend she has & wanted W to know about it.
Get done telling W about it and she asks for another hug so (gee twist my arm) I willing accept. I tell her thanks for making it a special b-day, she says you are going to make me cry you're welcome. Then I go to pull away and she won't let go but instead kisses me (happy birthday TO ME!) she was soft I am in heaven. I go to leave again & she pulls me back and gives the Granddaddy of all kisses my tonsils are laughing. She says peoeple are watching, I said let them she says I am getting light headed (SC is this the way to start 'bending')I thank her again for the shirts and we leave.
I text her about 10:30 and thank her for making it a wonderful day and she says she had a nice time also. Told her to sleep well and goodnight. She says night to me.
So D17 calls and wishes me a happy b-day and apologizes for having to work & miss dinner, I say not your fault and we missed you at dinner. D17 proceeds to tell me that W had talked to her about it already & that W told her it was a very nice time and it just felt right & good/normal....Needless to say that was something to ponder as I went to bed....
I know not to read into any of this, will stand back abit & observe I expect her to pull back some that was ALOT in 1 evening for a WAS; but at least for 1 1/2 hrs I had my true W back
Thank you all for making me go to the next level to try something different in asking her to go. If I never get her back totally I will always have my 45th b-day to remember.
I have no idea what direction this is going, but for once the rollercoaster ride was worth the price of admission.
JK but have yourself a great day!