First of all, I would like to thank you so much for putting the perspective of a WAW on this forum for us all to see. You are to be commended for your continued contact and efforts with your H...most WAWs (mine included) sanctimoniously cut off their x/stbx in a very cowardly and selfish fashion (usually involving an affair) under the guise of self-protection and "just wanting to be happy."
Your description (and that of SMARTCOOKIE) of a WAW's mental state are poignant and undoubtedly accurate in the vast majority of cases. The LBH's anger and hurt are just as real. The only way back is via FORGIVENESS...on BOTH SIDES. ACTIONS must be allowed to precede FEELINGS and actions are a CHOICE you can both make. Most WAWs are told this yet ignore it (mine certainly did, was told many times in C). They simply feel that "I have lost my feelings and can't get them back." While understandable, the opposite approach is futile...no one can recapture "good feelings" by avoiding personal contact and stubbornly maintaining an emotional wall while hoping to just magically "feel it" again first before doing something.
Many WAs will say "I would just rather be alone..." but this is a cop-out; most will (if they haven't already) find themselves soon in an EA/PA and usually with someone they would not ever consider being involved with (married, vast age, values, social differences) under "normal" circumstances. They will justify their betrayal of their own moral/ethical standards in any way possible to soothe the guilt and convince themselves that "this just feels soooo right". In the long run, they usually end up disappointed when the luster inevitably wears off.
Unless both parties in a M can honestly look themselves in a mirror, admit some fault and mistakes, and say "I'm so sorry" to their H/W, it remains a power struggle. Both sides hold back until the other "blinks" out of fear, vengeance, and distrust. It just seems to me that, unless one plans on being truly single the rest of one's life, he/she is going to HAVE TO TRUST AND OPEN UP to someone in the future...and the best person to roll the dice with is your x/stbx 95% of the time.
