Honestly, it won't happen overnight. It takes time. Just be consistent, and not just going through the motions, but actually continuing on. In the beginning, sometimes it seems hopeless. But as your W starts to see the changes, and she will, and see that they are consistent, she will start to think...hmmmmm....
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Honestly, it won't happen overnight. It takes time. Just be consistent, and not just going through the motions, but actually continuing on. In the beginning, sometimes it seems hopeless. But as your W starts to see the changes, and she will, and see that they are consistent, she will start to think...hmmmmm....
So no telling her she looks beautiful and saying i love you etc? just keep to my new positive behaviors?
here's another one, she wants our laptop so she can have "her own" she thinks i am holding out so i can check on her. truth is i have caught her checking the sites i have visited, and she checked my profile on facebook.. she expects me to delay fixing our main PC.. i guess i should resist, just fix it and give her the laptop eh..
Also i am a sentimental guy.. i kept my grad cards/birthday cards from 20 years ago, recently threw them out.
She knows i have kept some of the cards she gave me over the years.. just hers.. do i toss them like i don't care? Should i make a point that she sees them in the trash? am i that dumb?
No no no I love you's. Thats one of Michele's big no no's. Your W already knows you love her, and when you keep saying it, it makes her pull further away because she does not feel it right now. Wait until she brings it up.
No don't point anything out. The key is to let them notice.
One of the biggest things I have learned is you can't make anyone do something they don't want. But human nature is relatively predictable. I didn't think this until I had a huge fight with my H, thought it was definitely the end, and quit contacting him so we wouldn't fight anymore. Things are coming around. But he accused me of being a control freak, and I had to realize that part of me was.
I resolved this by telling myself the relationship that we had is over. That doesn't mean that in the future, there cannot be a new relationship.
You don't have to toss your cards. Shoot, I have every email my H has sent me since we separated, and ironically enough, he has a folder for all of mine. (I discovered that by accident).
If you go with the flow and don't try to force things, it takes time, but the end result is so well worth it.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
No ILYs. You could say she looks nice, or that's a nice outfit. No more than that. Give her the laptop, and fix the computer! She is going to see anything else as you trying to control her.
The card thing would be passive agressive, in my mind. Just keep them, and don't worry about it.
Make the dinner one night when you will both be home.
If she ususally makes chili for lunch for both of you, taking that on once in a while is a good idea.
No no no I love you's. Thats one of Michele's big no no's. Your W already knows you love her, and when you keep saying it, it makes her pull further away because she does not feel it right now. Wait until she brings it up.
No don't point anything out. The key is to let them notice.
One of the biggest things I have learned is you can't make anyone do something they don't want. But human nature is relatively predictable. I didn't think this until I had a huge fight with my H, thought it was definitely the end, and quit contacting him so we wouldn't fight anymore. Things are coming around. But he accused me of being a control freak, and I had to realize that part of me was.
I resolved this by telling myself the relationship that we had is over. That doesn't mean that in the future, there cannot be a new relationship.
You don't have to toss your cards. Shoot, I have every email my H has sent me since we separated, and ironically enough, he has a folder for all of mine. (I discovered that by accident).
If you go with the flow and don't try to force things, it takes time, but the end result is so well worth it.
i have every email she ever wrote me.. in the first 2 weeks i even sent her some...dumn dumb dumb.. i wish i knew about this sooner..
no ILY's ok..
what about you look fabulous? (no?)
I got rid of some of the hurtful emails.. since our S
wow 230PM and i havent called her, i am amazed.. u know she still has one of our wedding pictures on display in "her/our" room..
i guess just keep doing what i am doing.. (man it's not easy)..
i am going to play squash with her sister's boyfriend friday.. i bet she thinks i am rallying for support.. i'm not.. i just want to play some sports..
No ILYs. You could say she looks nice, or that's a nice outfit. No more than that. Give her the laptop, and fix the computer! She is going to see anything else as you trying to control her.
The card thing would be passive agressive, in my mind. Just keep them, and don't worry about it.
Make the dinner one night when you will both be home.
If she ususally makes chili for lunch for both of you, taking that on once in a while is a good idea.
Jeff,
She went out with her sister and cousin last friday.. she looked amazing.. it took alot not to say man you look hot.. (it killed me not knowing where she was and thinking she could be dancing with other M).. but i got over it.
what about comments like "you should be able to find a GF quickly because of the dog".... me not commenting or pretending i didn't hear was good aye?
the computer (thanks to vista) doesnt work, i will get it up and running this weekend..
why is it so hard not to call or text her??
BTW i know i am a spolit brat who grew up getting whatever he wants.. and throwing a fit if i didn't...
my W says i am alot like her father (was an alcholic)
Not hearing that remark was good. IF she presses, you can choose between making it a joke, or saying something like "But I'm not looking", whatever you think you can pull off the best.
Make sure you focus on changing the things in you that you want to change. You are doing it for you, not her.
Hi and welcome here! I think it's great that you are going on walks together. You MUST keep it light! No talks about your relationship. Do not bring up the house, and DO NOT tell her she looks hot! Keep casual, keep it light. I would probably mention the dog walk you're going on - she'll see that as GAL (without her). She may like that.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
