Well done you! You did amazingly well at B's concert - SOOOOooooOOOO Proud of you! That must have been really hard to have B up there singing about love - I didnt expect that either! You did amazingly well to handle that situation, which shows how strong you are. I'm glad that you are able to recoginse the changes in yourself.
How long are you going to wait for B now? Is it a time frame, or until something shifts emotionally for you?
I really hope that he contacts you soon - but you know what, if he doesnt then thats really his loss - he is missing out on your friendship and love.
SO PROUD OF YOU!! I bet he's thinking of you and how hot you look!!
(((EVERYONE))) it made me so happy to wake up this morning and read your affirming words.
Last night I had a dream about B. I was in this building and I heard this beautiful music and I followed the sound until I walked into a room where he was tuning his violin. We hugged but then he had to keep tuning his violin *while* hugging. He said something caring, I can't remember, and for some reason I vividly remember the print on the shirt he was wearing (it was a new sexy shirt, not a blah old man shirt). AND THEN MY ALARM WENT OFF AND I WOKE UP. I laid in bed for like another half an hour just trying to get back to the dream and see what happened next but OH WELL.
Maybe he just needs to keep "tuning the instrument" of his mind-heart-soul until things start to work inside himself. ???? It was awesome to get a hug though, IN MY DREAM!!
I haven't heard from him yet which is OK. I am pretty sure he is in his man cave. Last time it took 3 days for him to get back to me, and it's only been 1 so far. I can't believe the concert was just 2 days ago, it feels like 2 months ago...!!!
I had a discussion with the friend I'm staying with about divorcebusting and she told me that she was worried B didn't know I was interested in getting back together. I tried to explain that I am trying to BE really warm and loving without SAYING anything scary or pursuing. But afterwards I thought, am I a DAW?? Should I have been somehow more obvious that I was interested in seeing him before he left for shelter island? I am trying to figure out how to express interest without showing pressure. But it is totally possible he has NFC I want to be wit him. Is this a problem? Is it really about drawing him to me, so he wants to be with me, not showing him that I want to be with him? What do you guys think?
It seems like, in the grand scheme of my DB'ing, I should focus on the extremely positive interactions in the past 10 days and not push for more if I think it will backfire.
Jeff, thank you so much for your words. It helps when I have a little voice telling me "BE PATIENT" over and over and over.
Essie, your words are so loving. I haven't even thought about not waiting. So that is just what I am focusing on for now.
Ok, time to go to chinatown and hang out with my friends!!!! LOVE, T
I believe the focus of Dbing (aside from the focus being on you) is to re-establish a relationship.. which would start with friendship.. which is exactly what you are doing and working towards. I would not express interest at this moment in time because I would worry that would send him running.. he needs to be completely comfortable with you before you make that known.
Just my opinion.. others may have a differing view.
I don't think I'm written to you since you updated about your night.. I think it sounded wonderful and I am amazed at your self control because I SOOOO would have been checking that girl out. Proves how much self confidence you have.. and as you should. You're amazing!!
I'm glad you thought he looked hot too. I could tell you were really bothered by how he looked the first time you saw him!
thank you SO much for your words, you are an angel!!!! you make me smile!!!!
I totally agree with what you are saying about focusing on friendship. I guess I had two different questions, do I need to do something different so he knows I am interested? the answer to that is NO, focus on friendship.
then the other question is, should I make it clearer that I am interested in spending time with him while I am here in his area, and if so, how do I do that? or do I just keep doing what I'm doing?
Hmmm. I'm not the best at suggesting what people say. I struggle with DBing at the best of times...
But yes, I do think if there is some way that you could let him know that you'd like to see him again.. but in a non-threatening way, that would be a great plan.
So, how is the best way to approach it?? That is the question.
Maybe you could mention that you are coming into NY for something (which you really won't be doing.. but he doesn't need to know that).. and if he has time that you'd like to meet up for coffee or something (before you're thing that you're pretending to be doing later on).. discuss his performance since time was limited that night?
Do you think that sounds pursuey? (sp?) It probably does!
Help!!!!!!!!! Anyone out there better at this, please give our wonderful T some none pursuing words!!
((((where)))) thank you so much for your thoughts!!!
I am thinking about doing something along those lines for when I might be back in NYC in july/august...and wondering if I should have done something different during this visit.
Just got back from the chinatown expedition... we went to a store called 'girls love shoes', and checked out an accordion store that is also headquarters for an all-girls accordion band called the big squeeze (!!), and shopped for special tea and exotic japanese face masks, got vegetarian dim sum, took the subway to see a concert of new music, and then walked home... lots of GALing...
