The Ultimatum

[fooled again]

cat,

Your warning is well received. At this stage of the game, I am asking for proof of everything. I want proof of his giving his notice. I want a meeting w/ OW, the three of us. The money he owes her will be given to her directly with me there, and any future payments will be mailed or I will handle them. On this point I am not going to back down or simply trust him. And if he refuses, I am gone - there is no wiggle room here. Of course, he is free to do what he wants, but if he wants me, this is how it has to be. I am at that point that I will walk away and not look back.

As for his own finances, he will have to talk to his own creditors and work out his own arrangements, and it looks like he is starting to do just that. He has been avoiding this for a very, very long time, so I am encouraged. Again, even if he gets his finances all worked out, he could decide that he is unwilling to do the others, but that's his choice, and I HAVE to be able to accept that and move on if need be.

I am forcing H to make choices, but they are his choices alone to make, and I am making it clear to him that I am okay with whatever choices he makes, but it is time for my H to make these choices and time for me to get on with my life.

I think that reminding H from time to time of this will encourage him to be less resistant (childlike), and to take responsibility for his actions (adult). In the end, he has to do what he sees is best for him - I don't want him to do any of this out of obligation or pity and I want him to be very clear about what he wants and why he is doing what he is doing. Maybe this is not what other's would do, but I've detached to the point that I can let him go and let him live the life he chooses, even if that means he chooses OW or chooses not to come back.

Yes, I have a knot in my stomach as I write this, b/c I know that I could lose him, but I risk losing myself, which would be the greatest loss and one I am not willing to take anymore.

FA