Take all the time you need and please do the homework I suggested :).
My own view on love is that true love is the action of strong individuals. Strong people love themselves, are ultimately sufficient within themselves, and are therefore able to give to others - time, attention, gifts, even raw emotion - without expectation. In other words they are already "full/filled" and what they give is the excess.
As you start to work your way through all of this, you will realise that giving up things you want is only strong when you are truly happy to do so i.e. without attaching a hidden meaning or price.
But your resentment is now loudly telling you that you were not truly happy to give up these things. Resentment is another toxic weed - one that will eventually overrun your entire marital garden.
So just get rid of your resentment. Mentally cut it all away, and resolve to cut it away again the instant it grows back - and it will because its seeds are the past. Don't blame your wife for the past. Don't even blame yourself - you didn't know any better.
But if there are things you want to do with your life, you definitely should do them, even (or especially) if it requires some discipline and organisation on your part. Oh, and start spending time with your buddies again, maybe a few hours a week.
A man fulfilling his own purpose and conquering the current challenges in his life without leaning on others or the past, is a strong and fulfilled man. He brings home to his wife a very special kind of energy, which the majority of women appreciate and want, even if only on a subconscious level. That is the root of female sexual desire. The more you crank up your own mental and physical male energy (which must be completely independent of anything your wife says or does), the better a chance you have of her making the necessary effort to have a sexual relationship.
Let us know how you get on.
S&A
"A man can be destroyed but not defeated" - from The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway.
Which I take to mean that every man has within him a spirit of relentlessness and optimism. Its already there; he just has to cultivate it.
