I don't have all the answers. But I do know that God does. So I have re-committed my life to Him.
What helps me is to read the scriptures, to visit and converse with friends who also are finding their way with Christ's help, to pray and talk with Him. I'm not a saint, far from it. I'm joe-average, just a sinner who is trying very hard to put my priorities in proper order. Placing God on the top of that list because I now know that He will see that the order of everything below it, family, friends, work, necessities, will all find their proper place.
For too long I placed job and career ahead of my family, ahead of my spouse, and ahead of my Lord. For too long I put my own selfish desires, personal fulfillment and material gains ahead of what really mattered most. But as the world continued to fail me, I became deeply depressed and lost. I became angry, sullen and very dark -- impossible to live with. I couldn't figure out why. And then I lost my W to another, and my family that I worked so hard for was broken.
But Christ is my salvation. The Holy Spirit now buoys me through life's storms. And while there is still strife and turmoil all around me, for the first time in a long time I can reach an inner peace knowing I walk with Him now. I realize now that this life is always going to have its trials and tribulations. But with the love and grace of God I will make it. He has brought new friends into my life that I support as they help to support me. I still have my two small boys that I am so thankful to be a father to.
I have found that when I turn my attention away from my own needs and desires and focus on what God wants first, which is to be a loving, devoted father to my sons, to support my church, and to be there for my family and friends, then I do find the happiness that escaped me before. Focusing on what God wants of me and to think of others, my sons especially, before myself is what brings me comfort now. To me, that is what it means to be blessed.
When I first read Rick Warren's A Purpose Driven Life, I was not ready for it. But it speaks volumes to me now. The most important thing I needed to understand was this, the very first sentence, "It’s not about you."
