What do you think those books I mentioned to you are about?
That's what I went to my therapist to work out. It has to come from within - if you rely on others to make you happy you will always get let down.
Personally I think some people are just miserable....probably on balance more women than men. I think I am a fairly pessimistic person and so I have had to retrain my thought processes.
You start by picking up the phone and calling your doctor. You start by finding someone to help you. Someone in real life....not OM....someone professional who knows what they are doing and won't be manipulating your emotions to meet needs of their own. I so HEAR you lady...BTDT - got the T shirt.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
How do I make myself happy? Sounds like a really dumb question, but when I think about what makes me happy it is other things or people. What makes me happy? My son, the OM, my parents. Hmmmm.....other things make me feel nice, but not happy....like hot baths, candles, drawing, watching movies, shopping, getting my nails done, pink, stationary, etc. etc. I really don't' know how to make myself happy......Right now I am probably depressed so it seems hard to answer that question. Where do you start?
If you don't know how to make yourself happy; I really think that is something you need to work on! I do see a therapist, and that has helped. I take AD's and I know that has helped. GALing has helped; finding something like musicals that make me happy (it's hard to be depressed for some reason when you're singing and dancing with a bunch of goofy people.)
But you do have to find out and figure what makes you happy. I would recommend trying different things you haven't done before. I had never done a musical before this past year, and found it made me happy. Before this past 6 months, I spent most of my time, almost all of my time with my kids, and that wasn't good. It's been good for me to develop my own activities/interests and friendships. For me, being involved in a good church makes me happy too, but that might not work for others.
I'm reading "the Happiness Handbook" now by Timothy Sharp, and I find it interesting with some good ideas. Any good therapist should help too. Believe me I was seriously depressed (acc. to my C) last year. Some things I was doing weren't helping: not spending time with or talking with my friends; not doing fun stuff; letting my H run over me, etc. I have also stopped most of the negative stuff I was doing and that helped. It's also a way of looking at things: I find myself finding good/positive about everything that happens now instead of doom/gloom thinking. I think I could write a book about this, and I just did sorry! Karen
Joyce Meyer said something the other day that hit me between the eyes. She said (I paraphrase), "Are you suffering from depression? Perhaps it is because you are being selfish."
She went on to explain that one major cause for all the depression people suffer today is that they expect so much for themselves in life; they have this sense of entitlement about what they want out of possessions, relationships and aspirations. They get to where they cannot be happy because they get hung up on what they feel life "owes" them. They come to expect the world should make them happy. So they become depressed.
Reality and dreams become at odds. Depression ensues. That was me -- guilty as charged.
The problem is that unless we turn these over to God, to place our dreams and our welfare in God's trust, we cannot be happy. Desires, goals, dreams and aspirations, unless they are in accord with God's will, God's plans, are merely selfish and never lead to true happiness.
We merely need to be happy, by turning this over to the Lord.
Karen, thanks. I will add that book to the list. I am getting the one saffie sugg first and go from there. It helps to know that you were once where I am, too. Please keep giving me suggestions.
Nocode, some good stuff there. I just wanna be happy. I don't feel anyone owes me anything and I don't think the world should make me happy. I'm just so tired of being stressed and depressed. I want to know how to make me happy.
You said "The problem is that unless we turn these over to God, to place our dreams and our welfare in God's trust, we cannot be happy. Desires, goals, dreams and aspirations, unless they are in accord with God's will, God's plans, are merely selfish and never lead to true happiness.
We merely need to be happy, by turning this over to the Lord."
Ok, what does that mean exactly? What do I doooooo? I believe in God, I've tried to do what GOd wants me to do. I'm like any human being, we all sin. I have sinned and repented and am trying to do better. I am praying. Tell me what else to do.
I don't have all the answers. But I do know that God does. So I have re-committed my life to Him.
What helps me is to read the scriptures, to visit and converse with friends who also are finding their way with Christ's help, to pray and talk with Him. I'm not a saint, far from it. I'm joe-average, just a sinner who is trying very hard to put my priorities in proper order. Placing God on the top of that list because I now know that He will see that the order of everything below it, family, friends, work, necessities, will all find their proper place.
For too long I placed job and career ahead of my family, ahead of my spouse, and ahead of my Lord. For too long I put my own selfish desires, personal fulfillment and material gains ahead of what really mattered most. But as the world continued to fail me, I became deeply depressed and lost. I became angry, sullen and very dark -- impossible to live with. I couldn't figure out why. And then I lost my W to another, and my family that I worked so hard for was broken.
But Christ is my salvation. The Holy Spirit now buoys me through life's storms. And while there is still strife and turmoil all around me, for the first time in a long time I can reach an inner peace knowing I walk with Him now. I realize now that this life is always going to have its trials and tribulations. But with the love and grace of God I will make it. He has brought new friends into my life that I support as they help to support me. I still have my two small boys that I am so thankful to be a father to.
I have found that when I turn my attention away from my own needs and desires and focus on what God wants first, which is to be a loving, devoted father to my sons, to support my church, and to be there for my family and friends, then I do find the happiness that escaped me before. Focusing on what God wants of me and to think of others, my sons especially, before myself is what brings me comfort now. To me, that is what it means to be blessed.
When I first read Rick Warren's A Purpose Driven Life, I was not ready for it. But it speaks volumes to me now. The most important thing I needed to understand was this, the very first sentence, "It’s not about you."
Please note I did find the beginning of the book - first third, quite daunting/ frightening.....then it really started to make sense and give me some solutions. Good luck.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Karen