S.O.B....hey! That's an acronym for another nick name, you know! He he...
I want to point something out to you, which will likely fall on deaf ears, but here I go anyway...maybe someday you'll "hear" it.
You said: "You keep telling me there's nothing wrong me, you're attracted to me, and I should keep my hands to myself and go to sleep." You said this is something you've told her, in an attempt to get her to understand that YOU don't understand her when she seems to give conflicting information.
Do YOU really UNDERSTAND that to a low desire person, loving you and being attracted to you DOES NOT make them want to have sex with you? Have you truly understood HER inner make up yet?
You are still trying to project upon her YOUR inner feelings and make up. To YOU, if you didn't want to have sex with her, it would be because you were not attracted to her, didn't love her any more, or you were injured or sick.
But don't you see that to HER - not wanting to have sex with you means none of those things BECAUSE YOU TWO HAVE MIS-MATCHED LIBIDOS.
You can't understand what a low desire person feels like inside, and yet you are trying very hard to insist that it must be the same way YOU feel.
Don't you see why none of it makes sense to each other?
A person with low desire has LOW DESIRE. Their desire does not just flow around naturally and latch on to their happy, loving feelings and then cause the urge for sex. Instead, their desire is in them somewhere, but very few things trigger it if any, when it does come out the person is happy and satisfied and feels love through sex, and then it goes away again...but just because it does not come out very often does NOT mean she is defective, isn't attracted to you, or any other reason. She is a NORMAL LOW DESIRE person. That is how they truly do feel! It is not meant to hold you off, insult you or hurt you!
But because she is abnormal in your eyes, and because you are sex and intimacy deprived, you are blaming her and angry at her.
But SOB - you are angry at her for something that is PART OF HERSELF, the same way that YOUR HIGH DRIVE IS PART OF YOURSELF!
In effect, you are insisting to her that she must not love you or be attracted to you because of her low drive, and you are not giving any consideration to the total difference in your drives, still!
Hon, I hope you never have to go through this, but one day if you get injured or sick (or even if you are miserable too long in your marriage) you may lose your sex drive. The day that happens, you will finally understand your wife. If you do not have a natural urge that is right under the surface anymore (like you have right now), then you will understand how you can love and be attracted to someone and yet it will not stir in you the urge to have sex. It can be a completely orgnanic thing, or it could be an emotional or mental thing - either way, it won't matter - if you lose your sex drive one day, even for a short time, you will IMMEDIATELY take a different stance than the one you are taking now. You will "get" her.
I will come back later because I have something else to say...but hopefully until then you can read this and TRY to see that the LD and HD persons are never going to FEEL the same way and therefore, you trying to project YOUR feelings upon her is never going to work. She doesn't feel the same way you do, and therefore to her, it is not an insult to you for her not to want to have sex with you.
