It started with a polite email about kid issues and some financial stuff to STXW. An email war ensued for 3 hours. I should not have responded to it at all but I couldn't help it.
I made my W and offer on the remaining open mediation items. I aslo set up a date for us to review it next week. I am pushing for the D at full speed. This will not speed it up or slow it down as much as showing her that I am ready to get the D and not waiting on her to change her mind. She needs to know that the door is closed for her to come back as is. I formally let her know yesterday: 1. I don't hate her. 2. I am not mad at her. 3. I am ok with getting the D. 4. I want her out of my life. 5. I wish her the best of luck. This is classic Tough Love. I have set boundaries. She has no desire to live within them. If she changes her mind then we can talk about it but I firmly am done with the person as she is now. I have inproved myself quite a bit since the whole thing started. On a physical, mental, spiritual and emotional level I am better and stronger. I feel that this new strength has helped me to GAL and walk away. I am not the needy desperate clingy person that I was in March. I am not happy about this but I can see that a year from now that I will thank her for the D. I havent been able to enjoy life or even breathe for a long time because of the oppression at home. I am no longer trying hard to detach. I am there and it is a much better place. I feel that truly accepting the D and truly detaching are key steps to not only DBing - but also to preparing myself for the post D. I used to dread when she was away, especially with the kids. Now I look forward to it. I am not done yet. I have just moved on in my heart. My mind has been there for some time. The A really helped my stop loving her.
So no needy Eagle. No more clingy Eagle. I am not in the air soaring and solo. I have some eggs to watch but I am sitting on the nest waiting anymore.
