Watching the kids while W goes to OM

[lynn97]

Thanks for all of your support.

Puppy, I'm not sure what I need from everyone here right now. But this is helping, I think I just need to figure out more direction.

Lodo, can you send me a link to your story. I'd love to read it.

And I guess I should probably make just one post and stick with it. Where should it go, newcomers?

So here is the latest. W and I talked last night after she got home from her "date". When she left I could tell DB'ing was working. She said she was proud of me, that she could tell I was changing. And honestly I do feel that, I feel pretty good that I've woke up and started to work on me. But after seeing the OM she seemed more confused again. He pulled her back in. I couldn't take it anymore so I started down the talk road. It was a very bad night for DB'ing.

Basically she wants to date both of us to decide who she wants to be with. This just doesn't seem right, or normal for that matter. I'm not trying to invalidate her feelings. I do believe OM makes her happy...hell maybe they are perfect for each other. I started to bring up the fact that I can't do this "dating two men" thing for very long. She asked if that means I'm making her choose. I quickly started to back peddle. She said she is just waiting for one of us to flip out and she knows she'll run to the other. I realize that I fell back into my old ways. Trying to control her, not listening to her, not validating her feelings, etc. I also realized that I lose all sense of objectivity when I'm with her....I just want her back.

I stopped. Apologized, and started listening again. We talked some more about it and I said that if you're going to date us then you have to let me have a chance. You're shutting me out and it's not fair. I really didn't know what else to do. Then I started flirting with her, making her feel better and gave her a back rub. I'm really whipped.

I only see three choices right now. Date her while she dating him (which to me seems like playing a game). Divorce her and be done with it (something that I know I'm not strong enough to do right now). Or maybe something in the middle. Maybe I do need to take the kids on a vacation. Somehow detach from her some more. Maybe go dark. I don't know really.

I have another counselor appointment on Thursday. She has hers today so we'll see how that goes too. I'm supposed to go over there tonight and watch a show with her (I told her that if we only get together and talk on our "dates" then it's never going to seem fun). She came up with the idea so I went with it.

There is so much I see in this that is very similar to a lot of the stories her and there is so much to it that seems WAY off base with the normal (dating both of us to choose???). Any insight would be great. I promise to listen to it even though I'm hard headed

Lynn