I dont think you are either... I think you are a Husband who is very frustrated with his Wife.

A ?

Does she really and truly know how hurt you are by this or does she think you just need to get off?

I ask this b/c it also took me forever to really and truly hear my husband.
I never really got that he needed me and to be close to me thru sex.. I thought he just needed to come~
Sad but true... I felt unimportant in his release.... I felt ugly and used. And he felt even uglier. It is a terrible viscious cycle.

It took him almost divorcing me and then another @ 8 months of hard work and a poster here named COG to help me see the light actually.

I asked COG how it felt when his Wife held back on ML~
his post made me weep.
My H had never said it in so many words like that... he had tried time and time again to get me to see what he was going thru and I did not.
For some reason when I read COGs post I weeped.

I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD IT MADE SENSE.
I decided to work even harder to change.
We also ( H and I ) had this long talk and he explained how "ugly" and "worthless" I made him feel.
About a year after Cogs post and you know what?

I cried off and on the whole day and I am still amazed that sex would have such a detremental affect on my H.
I was dying for him to be emotionally close and he just needed for me to ML to him.
Simple words and yet the journey there is at times extremely difficult.

I dunno if your Wife truly knows she has that much power.

Does she?
Does she really intentionally hurt you?
I hope not.... she is probably just blind to her power.
I dunno .....

I will keep in touch with you and you will be in my prayers.....
And you are a silly old bear... you are only 30 years old.. and in a post yesterday you made it sound like you were 75!!!!!
You are very young....

You do need to try and step back some like DQ mentioned. You are to hurt and upset right now to think straight. BTDT~!
And yes you have every reason to be pissed off but it will not help you get to your goal.
I will say this and it may not work for your Wife.. every Woman is different.
When my H backed off some and let the ball be in my court my drive started to blossom.... I did not feel so much pressure from him anymore.
God bless, ~Ali


* and maybe you could say...
" hey honey have you had time to look at that book we talked about? It would realy mean alot to me if you did."
Something like that.

Does she really acknowledge there is a problem or is she just agreeing with you?
Sorry I am sure my post is all over the place but I hope it helps some......