still feeling a bit sad. slept ok last night. this morning I took some solid action regarding school and settlement issues (financial _ with h and my lawyer.
It feels better when I take action. I think that is key. I tend to procrastionate and this situation is forcing me to take action. I have to for me and d.
I just hate not knowing what the future holds. I know this is a site to save your marriage, but as you know from my past threads, h really has shown himself and I truly believe he will never come back. I have to accept this. I also think that is a part of db'ing. GAL, PMA, action, etc. He has turned into someone I don't know (but kind of knew over the years that he was capable of if you want to know the truth).
I overlooked a lot of red flags in the marriage. Little lies he told me (not affair-related), just little lies to "keep me quiet" as he put it. I accepted crumbs from him for a long time. I KNOW I wasn't happy, esp. last fall. He just wasn't there for me emotionally and frankly never really has been (except for initial part of relationship).
I started db'ing because I so much wanted to save our family unit. I thought (still think in a way) that I can't make it on my own. I need help with this. I have a great therapist and hopefully, this time next year I will be in a much different place.
I think what I am mourning is not HIM, but US as a family. That is what is heartbreaking for me. How quickly he seems to have moved on with OW and his attitude toward me now, like he can't get rid of me fast enough. Unfortunately for him we have a child together so in ain't that easy, so to speak.
At least the custody thing is settled. Huge relief. I've never really been on my own and it's scary.
