Number 8, still too late for DB to work.

[cw68]

Journaling... I'm frantically trying to figure out where to live, what do to with the house (we'll have to sell it, just trying to figure out when), how the whole divorce papers thing will work out with me not yet having a job, the whole shebang. I'm somewhat of a planner and H isn't. We are on complete opposites in this regard, in what we plan or put off. Anyway, I'm trying to find some semblance of order, power, whatever in my life's direction by figuring out the house, rental stuff. I told him that waiting to file papers until I have a job would probably be the best thing to do since we currently have a solvent situation going on here and can for the near future, though obviously not forever. Otherwise we would be working off of support numbers and the like and it probably wouldn't benefit either of us. I tried to make sure he knew that I wasn't saying this because I thought delaying the action would keep it from ultimately happening. He kept saying he was going ahead.

Tonight I spent quite a bit of time trying to find the "right" rental for our situation because like always we are trying to make it work best for the whole family. The idea is that I would continue to live in the house as we prepare to sell it. H would move into a rental in this neighborhood. When the time comes to put the house on the market, we would switch places and when the house sold he would find a place in which to live. This way the kids will continue to attend the same school, they will have the same 2nd house in which to live and it should make it a bit easier for them. I needed to talk to H about it. I called him twice, no answer. Sent him an email on one specific question I wanted answered. He texted me back with a cryptic answer and then said he was done for the night, didn't have anything else to talk about tonight.

It seemed typical to me, I'm gung-ho on something, he steps back. Over a week ago we sent a list back and forth on things that we should do to the house before we sell it. He told me he'd start on them last night while he was here with the kids, but didn't. Instead he watched Star Wars with the kids.

So I sent him a return text: "well, I'm sorry that u don't but do have a *huge* amount of logistics that need 2 be addressed. I'd like 2 talk about them when the kids aren't around.

FYI, things like this rub me the wrong way because it's all about u. Do it whenever u can. I'll just have 2 deal with whatever u feel like giving me whenever u feel like giving it 2 me. Guess I'm finally learning that. I'll just plan on doing everything myself & if u happen 2 pitch in it'll b a bonus. This way I won't be disappointed & u stop deciding my every move.

Don't mind me. It's only my future 2. Good nite."

He called me back right away and we were able to talk for a short while, but I also noted that while it felt good to settle a few things, we should really talk about it when both of us were ready. I did get from him that he wasn't going to actually file until I got a job, but that he was going to start working on the agreement in the meantime so we can come to agreement before we file. Even with this he couldn't just answer with a yes or no answer. grrr. He so irritates me sometimes when he acts like a politician and avoids a direct answer. That I won't miss. Me: "Are you going to file right away or wait until I get a job?" Him: "I don't really have a choice." Me: "What do you mean you don't have a choice?" Him: "It just doesn't make sense." Me: "What doesn't make sense?" Him: "The filing." Me: "What filing? When?" Him: "Filing for divorce." Me: "I know that. When doesn't make sense?" Him: "I told you this already!" Me: "I'm missing something, when are you filing?" Him: "I already told you I don't really have a choice!" And then after another couple of minutes he told me that filing now would just put us both in a bad position that we could avoid if we continued to work together. I'm not kidding about the conversation, that was almost verbatim. It was like a "Who's on first" adaptation.

Anyway, I'm off. Going to continue to read about the Donner Party before bed. Makes my problems seem like small potatoes.