D. A normal high desire man, married to a normal low desire wife.
Look - you and your wife are always going to have a mismatched libido problem, most likely. Right now, you are sex starved and irritable and (rightfully so) very hurt by your wife's rejection...but these reactions are spilling into your ability to have a higher vision of the "problem" just yet. You are still so stung by your wife's past rejections and lack of sex, that you can't really think clearly just yet...even while you are trying to improve the situation.
I know how horrible it feels to be sex and intimacy starved (my marriage). I know now that it can literally cause you to not see reality for what it is. I also have been a wife who starved her husband from intimacy. I have been on both sides.
You think that she has power over you, and its true, for right now she does. But it is only because you cast that power upon her shoulders and you can take it back...and I'm not talking about violating the catch-22 either.
You take back the power by pulling way back from the situation, so far that you can see how it looks to a disinterested third party.
So from my view, and I have a pretty good view from here, you and your wife are just normal people with normal needs. Your needs are not focused on the same thing. Unfortunately, that leaves one of you sex-starved. The problem is totally fixable, but yes that will eventually require your wife to want to work on the problem.
So you see in the above view of your sitch from the outside, there is compassion for both of you and blame to neither of you. There is simply a mis-match problem, but unfortuantely this type of mis-match will cause 100's of other problems.
If you want to be happy, you will have to forgive her of this crime you are imagining she is doing to you, this power you imagine she has over you...and instead, learn to know her again, learn to seduce her, pray for the best, encourage and ask and basically demand her to come along with you into a new adventure together...
And still, you can do it all right and end up not correcting everything anyway. If that happens, then you have to ask yourself if it is all what you want or not, make your decisions, work toward it or ... ??
This has to be more about making your mis-match difference into LESS of a problem than it already is. There are many paths to that outcome.
Please don't think that I am minimizing what you are going through at all...I know you are in a lot of pain over this.
