HC, when I first heard the news of the PA, my world went spinning and I felt like and elephant was on my chest. I stopped eating for over 2 weeks and could not stop crying. People here told me it will get better. At first I did not believe them. How could it, this is awful. How can I make it through this kind of pain? But gradually it has. The nightmares are gone, I can breathe again and I am even started to find things that make ME laugh. You are just at the begining of this process and you will definately go through a storm of emotions. It's ok, thats normal. Heck, I still go from feeling rage towards him one minute to the despair that he has left the next. It is all part of the healing process.
Now, I want to say something that I think you need to hear. The As are not about you. You did not cause them, they are not your fault and the fact that your M might be ending has nothing to do with you. YOur H is a very sick person and until he finally gets the treatment he needs, he can not be a proper spouce to you. You deserve to be loved in a better an more honest way. Maybe one day it will be by your new improved H or maybe it will be with someone else. The best thing you can do it to try and let him go because you really dont have him right now anyway. By mentally letting him go, you get to start to focus on a better happier you. And trust me when I say this, finding a great IC right really will help make things better.
Good luck and I'm so sorry you had to find yourself here.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
