Watching the kids while W goes to OM

[Astimegoeson]

Lynn97,

I've only read this thread, so maybe I don't have all of the facts of your situation. I'm sure you want to see and spend time with your kids regardless of what your W is doing, don't you?

I know it may feel like your a doormat or a baby-sitter, but your going to want to see your kids no matter what she does. You can't use the kids to control what she does or who she does it with. She's always going to win this battle because she knows you love your kids and you want to see them.

Best you can do to set "boundaries" in this situation is tell her when your available to see the kids and when your not. Don't let her dictate the terms to you. If this were an actual D situation, your entitled to a shared parenting arrangement and that's something you two would have to work out arrangements over.

I think the "doormat" label might be incorrectly applied in this situation with "watching" the kids. That's something you want to do anyway, so how is that being a "doormat"? If your there at her beckon call to watch the kids, then yes, that's being a doormat. Schedule your time with the kids.

If you want to really make her think, take the kids on vacation. Just you and them. Take them for a week. Have fun with them. Don't include her or update her on your activities. Make her call you to find out what your doing and when she does, make sure you let her know you and the kids are having a good time without her. That drove my stbx crazy and I know she was taking out that frustration and sense of isolation from her family out on the OM <evil grin>. It works.