Mike at this point I am just not sure of a direction. I asked SC for a womens stand point but she hasn't responded yet. I know one thing, on Weds (my b-day) I am just going to offer her the invite to go out to eat with D11 and me, no pressure just put it on the table so to speak and go from there?
Brian
This sounds good. Arthur makes a good point about evaluating a day or two to see what the outcome is from the other day.
Did she contact you at all yesterday?
I agree took a step back after the call and have been watching. We had some text convo last night, she started to open abit about her day at work but didn't go into depth, but I saw that as a positive. After that we just talked about D11 and kept it light, no R talk which was good I think, don't want too much too fast.
Not sure Mike as not there and little scared to say something that might have a big backslide.
Here is my take on it, but remember, this is all just my opinion from the written stuff on here, not in the sitch and not hearing seeing the actions (That's my disclaimer)
Keep as is for a few days and see what her next move is, but maybe initiate the contact if not hearing anything for a day or two (hopefully you'll have reason to by then but can bring in stuff about the two of you if she prompts it).
I assume Brian goes in her place sometimes, try and sneak a look at the books
If you see DB in there, when she joins the forum, post anonymously encouraging her to do everything you would like her too etc etc ....lol
All joking aside (tough for me I know), it's hard to advice when not been in this spot. be interested in someone thoughts who's been there tho !!!
Arthur...thanks for the input.
I agree step back and watch and go from there, have been considering being alittle less dark and iniating some contact, nothing heavy just about kids or something like that.
I don't go to her place, in fact at this point don't know where it's at, I purposely chose not to know as to give her the ultimate amount of space, I would like to know what books she is reading also if the sitch shows its self I may venture out abit and ask her some titles.
When she told me what she was (WAS) after her doing some research my gut dropped, my first thought was she found this site and I was crapping twinkies out of you know where.
All I can do is keep doing what I am doing and make minor adjustments and watch at this point
Hi there - on the B/D meal invite - IMO - you should ramp it up just a little - how would it play if you said "W, I'd really like it if you'd come along with D11 and me for my birthday meal"
Rather than just toss the invite out as a take it or leave it option...
Best - GFI
Brian, I think this is a good idea. I think it will show her that you still care. She said that was important to her.
Don't beg her, but let her know that you would really like her to go. If she says no, then go have a good time with D's.
Don't panic Brian, might be something big to her that she wants support for. Time to be a hero again.
Hey, I've thought a lot about if my W found this place and I'd rather she didn't but don't actually think I've said anything hurtful and would hope she would take it for what it is. A LBS trying to get support and help improve themselves to be a better person and hopefully a better partner to the WAW.
Those 'full attention' conversations should be in person.. at least for me. If it's going to be emotional, I like to walk since it grounds me and helps me if I start crying.
Strangely enough I'm always able to communicate better if I'm doing something with my hands.. or walking. It's like it helps dissolve a block I feel, distracting the scared part of me as I move forward.
Something to consider.. offer... a great time to show how you care.
*hugs*
PS.. but so far, texting has led to phone calls with meaning.. who knows how it works with your wife.
D17's OBYG called W about 1/2 hr ago, she had gone in for her PAP test and the results came back not in a good way. She has 2 liasons, 1 is high grade the 2nd is low grade. They want to do a biopsy and run tests obviously for Cervical Cancer. I got W calmed down I think to a point where she can digest it, I am trying also the proceedure is scheduled for next Friday.
Please say a prayer for us I would appreciate that...
Hey Brian, take a deep breath. Pap smears come back atypical all the time. A biopsy doesn't always mean they're concerned about cancer. They're much more thorough these days in checking for all types of things. It doesn't necessarily mean the big C.
I'm typing more.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I just went through a whole battery of tests last fall, wondering the whole time if it was C. I have a family history of cervical cancer.
IF they thought it was cancer, they would have D in there tomorrow for the biopsy.
Now is when you need the serenity prayer, & hugs.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
